Blacksmith

My granddaddy were a blacksmith. Back when I were little, in the 1930's, we still a bunch of horses in Harper and my granddaddy (we called him Pa) shoed 'em all. As the horse population started to drop off Pa got into the business of building wooden side walls for pickup trucks so the owners could haul cattle and such with out buying a bigger truck. This is what he called his wood and metal business. He let me help him even though I were still a little flipper. This is where I got interested in welding. Pa had a welding setup and showed me how to weld. I got better'n most anybody around and pretty soon I were taking on odd joys for the locals. My mama made me quit though when there were a welding accident in McComb.
A man who worked for the railroad were welding a gas tank from a truck and it exploded. After he recovered he told how he were real careful to empty all the gasoline from the tank, but there were still fumes floating around in there. So I went back to my job at the grocery store, bagging and delivering. After my mama passed on I took up welding again. I got kinda arty and started making metal animals what peoples staked out in their yards. One of the ones most popular were a little monkey with hooks what could be hung from a tree.

Good Ole Dr. T.

One of the things we kept in our medicine cabinet were Dr. Tichenor's Antiseptic. It were invented by this confederate doctor named Dr. Tichenor way back in the civil war. We learned in school he were one of the first doctors to use antiseptic in surgery, in fact he were shot in the leg during the war and they wanted to cut it off, but he talked them in to letting him use his antiseptic and he saved that leg. His product were sold all over the south after the war and you can still buy it today. We used it for mouthwash, insect bites, boils, dandruff, ingrown toenails, cuts, bruises, warts, and a bunch of other stuff. I don't reckon you could go to anybody's house and not find a bottle of good ole Dr. T. somewhere around. There were this fellow on WWL radio out of New Orleans back when I were a boy. His name were Pinky (funny name) and he recommended Dr. T. for a whole bunch of things. One thing I remember is he always talked about his big fat wife and what she used Dr. T. for. He were real funny.

Divorce

I reckon y'all know that old Tammy Wynette song D I V O R C E . Well I could add a new verse with the letters: T R I X I E in there 'cause me and Trixie is finally no longer a couple. It taken me a long time 'cause Trixie were so hard to get a hold of. I reckon I ought to feel a little guilty (but I don't) 'cause I sorta tricked her into coming to Harper. I told her I got some good news from the bank and she needed to come over to sign some papers. She were all into that. It taken her eighteen hours to get her, all the way from Waco, Texas. I warn't lying completely 'cause the bank did tell me that me and Dorothy together would save some money on our taxes when we was hitched. And I did give Trixie a couple a' thousand dollars for making the trip. That really taken the sting off it. Of course, I had to tell her I warn't gonna give you no more money in the future. I told her she would have to ask Dorothy. I know she ain't gonna do that.

Why Getting Old Ain't So Good

Harvey Lee’s List of Why Getting Old ain't so good.

1.     Regularity has moved from the bathroom to the doctor’s office

2.     It takes a U-Haul for an overnight trip

3.     Peeing ain’t as easy as it used to be (in so many ways.)

4.     When someone says the word sex, you think they said six. Or socks.

5.     Looking at a picture of a pretty girl is just as good as looking at a pretty girl.

6.     You have a constant urge to remove the mirrors from your bathroom.

7.     The neighbors across the lake complain about the volume of your TV.

8.     Your ironclad stomach has turned into a boiling cauldron.

9.     You have more warts than teeth.

10. The preacher asks you to use a Breathe-Rite strip during his sermons.

11. You worry about things like: Is the speed of dark exactly the same as the speed of light?

12. Your favorite candy is Tums.

13. Your favorite mixed drink is Metamucil.

14. Going out to eat means lunch on the porch.

15. You keep charts on things like: mail delivery time, expiration dates on milk, and who's in the nursing home.

16. You can think of the names of more people who are dead than names of those who are alive.

Grumpy Is Normal

Harvey Lee’s List of Why It Is Great to be Old

1.     For the first time, people think you are funnier than you think you are.

2.     No pressure to walk any faster than you want to.

3.     You can say what you damn well please.

4.     You only have to have one candle on your cake.

5.     Instead of criticism you only get a pitiful look and a little shake of the head.

6.     When you don’t leave a tip they think you just forgot.

7.     When you come to a stop sign all you have to do is blow your horn and proceed ahead.

8.     Your weight is only important to your doctor.

9.     You have mastered the technique of silent flatus, or at least you think you have.

10. You don’t give a damn if Mississippi State beats Ole Miss.

11. You can’t read the numbers on your bathroom scale.

12. If you ain’t read it you probably ain’t gonna read it.

13. Your favorite mode of transportation is the rocking chair.

14. You can watch TV at any hour of the day.
15. Grumpy is normal, pleasant is exceptional.

I Ain't That Old Fashioned

I reckon y'all know I'm seventy-nine year old and y'all probably think I'm 100% old fashioned. Well that ain't so. I admit I would like a lot of things to be what they used to be. But most of them is things about how peoples treat one another, don't you know? But when it comes to keeping up with the modern world I ain't too far behind. A year or so ago, I had solar panels installed on the south side of the big house. And you know what? My power bill are usually zero and a lot of months I actually sell electricity back to the power company. I put a wood burning outdoor furnace in my back yard. It heats the whole house in the winter and heats my water all year round. Of course, I got all the wood I need right on my property. And I got a windmill down by the lake so when it's dark and stormy I got a good source of electricity. Haven't had to worry about the power going out since I got it.
Now I ain't saying all y'all need to do all this, but it wouldn't hurt to think about it.

New News From Harper

Just to keep y'all up to date on what's going on around here, I thought I would just list a few things what is going on. First, Hollis were going to Ole Miss, but changed his mind and now is going to Millsaps in Jackson. That's where his girlfriend goes, don't you know? He ain't going to be able to do this blog ever day 'cause he's gonna be too busy to keep in close touch with me. And another big thing what happened is me and Dorothy decided to get married. We been real close friends for many years and Dorothy already lives up in the big house (I stay down in my lake cabin) and keeps ever thing running for me. In  case y'all think Dorothy is after my oil money, you're wrong. She's seen my will and knows she already are gonna inherit most of what I got. She just figured she'd be able to look after me better is we stayed in the same house and she warn't gonna do that out of wedlock. I am sure we'll be real happy 'cause we always has got a long so good together.