You're Fired!!

Billy Wayne Thornhammer got fired yesterday. He ain't been on that job what were selling office supplies but about two weeks. Now he's looking again. Seems like that boy just can't hold down no work. I was talking to Willis Spencer, the owner of Spencer Office Supplies, this morning. He were the one what fired Billy Wayne. I asked him what were Billy Wayne's problem and he said Billy Wayne come in yesterday looking like he had been in a fight with a wildcat. His hair warn't combed, his socks didn't match, his shirt were buttoned up wrong, and his breath smelled like whiskey and/or beer. I said, "So that's why you let him go." But Willis said that warn't the reason. He would have give him another chance, but when he got on to Billy Wayne, that boy come up with more excuses than a husband caught sneaking in at 3 AM. Billy Wayne said it just warn't his fault. He were out with friends last night and told them he needed to get home to get some sleep, but they insisted he just have one more. Then after a few more, he were headed home when he run out of gas. The sheriff come by and picked him up and taken him home (Billy Wayne's daddy are a deputy.) When he got home he accidentally knocked the alarm clock off the table and it shut off the alarm part. He woke up in time to get to work only about a hour late, but he had run out of corn flakes and had to run down to the Corner Market to get some. That's when he run into Malvena, a woman he had been drinking with last night. She needed a ride home and she lived way out in the country. When they got to her house she started in to crying and wanted Billy Wayne to come in and comfort her (he didn't say why she were upset), but his comforting taken a couple of hours. When he got home and was getting ready, he couldn't find his comb and he had run out of toothpaste. And he had forgot to pay his gas bill so he didn't have no hot water, so he skipped a shower. Willis said, "I figured after that explanation it warn't no way that boy would ever except any responsibility."