Halloween When I Were Young

Ever thing are different these days. Yesterday I heard a lady in the grocery store complaining 'bout having to pay over a hundred dollars for her little boy's halloween suit. When I were I boy we couldn't pay nothing for that kinda foolishness. We had to go through the attic or closets for old clothes and sheets and things and make our own outfits. Kinda had to do our own thinking, doncha know? We loved trick or treating 'cause the things they give out was things what was cooked in their own kitchens; cookies, candies, and dipped fruits. At the church in the basement they had a carnival ever year. I remember getting one of the worst whippings of my life at one of them things. They had this event where you got blindfolded and was made to stick your hand down in the mixture what you were told were brains and eyeballs. I knowed it were spaghetti and green grapes 'cause Maydene what worked for my grandma were the one what made the spaghetti and I heard her laughing 'bout it with Canary what worked next door. Well, when I put my hand down it that stuff I come up against a couple of grapes right off and shoved 'em in my mouth and made all kinda noises about how much I loved eyeballs and would eat any I could get my hands on. Some of the girls went out screaming and all kinda mayhem busted out. When I look back on it, it don't seem I got treated fair. Ain't halloween supposed to be for making kids scream and run anyway?

Ladies' Man

From all I been saying about my grandpa I'm sure y'all think I'm bragging. Truth be known my grandpa were kinda cast out of the family. It were his own doing. He were what was called a ladies' man. He had girl friends over the years of all stripes and colors. In fact it were known he did not discriminate in race, religion, or social being. My grandma talked to the preacher about it and the preacher talked to grandpa, but seems like grandpa always smoothed talked 'em all for years. He sat in church ever Sunday with his head held high even though his clothes and hair gave off the perfume of Saturday night. Finally grandpa solved the problem for all of 'em. He run off with a woman named Parmee what were part American Indian. They settled in Louisiana with this little girl she already had. All six of my daddy's brothers turned away from grandpa and all but one of his sisters did. Seems like she were the only one still under his spell. When grandpa died he left all his money to Parmee and when she died she left it to her daughter and her brother. One thing good come of all this. Daddy and all his brothers was always real good to their wives. And all the sisters married good and held their husbands to high standards. Except that one sister what stayed close to her daddy. She married three times, all to real rotten mens.

Grandpa Were a Smooth Talker

I were just a young'n when my grandpa worked for Jones Vacuum Cleaning Company and sometime he would take me with him as he made his calls. That's when I learned what a smooth talker he were. One of the things he done what softened up his customers right away was to take ever one of the womens a rose what come out of grandma's yard. When they wasn't growing he knowed a flower shop where he could get some kinda pretty flower. When he got into the living room he would look around and say something like, "I don't know why I come by here. You keep such a clean house anyway. I reckon the only use you would have for one of my vacuums would be to keep your hands looking as pretty as they do now." The womens most of the time would just melt into a giggling mass and almost always they would buy one or put some money down on one. Remember that man what did not have electricity; he even bought one 'cause when current come to his area the first thing he wanted to hear were one of them vacuums sucking up dirt.

Grandpa and the Jones Vacuum Cleaning Company

I told y'all about how my grandpa were a real good salesman. Well, that led him to a job selling vacuum cleaners. A fellow name of Jones set up this company in Birmingham right after the TVA project gave electric current to peoples all over that part of the country. Grandpa applied and got the Southwest Mississippi territory. A fellow come over from headquarters and went around with grandpa to peoples'  houses to show him how to sell. I reckon y'all can imagine this didn't set well with grandpa what thought of his self as a man what could apply his will on others. When it all come to a head were when this fellow walked into a man's house and with all his family gathered around and commenced to spreading dirt all over the floor from a little bag he carried with him. He told the man the Jones Vacuum would clean up the mess in a few minutes. The old fellow said he reckon it would if they only had electricity. The man from Birmingham said he were sorry, but the home owner said sorry were not good enough. Grandpa gave a wink to the man and him and his boss went about sweeping up the mess. Next time I'll talk about how grandpa come to be number one in sales for the company.

Grandpa Whitmire and the Mule

My grandpa on my daddy's side were a good salesman. They said he could sell fur coats in Calcutta if he were a mind to. He were real convincing about things and seems like, from what I heard, he got away with all kinds of stuff. Like when he was a boy and went hunting riding on his daddy's plowing mule what his daddy had told him he could not do. He come home without the mule and had to face his daddy. This is the story he come up with. Well, daddy, I know I done wrong by taking the mule out when you said I couldn't but I have a little limp in my right leg and I wanted to bring y'all a nice venison steak for supper so I just took it. I know I done wrong. Well we come upon this deer just standing there and I taken aim while I were sitting on the mule. I shot that deer right in the head just as he were making a turn to run away and he turned so fast the bullet come out and hit the mule right between his eyes and killed him right on the spot. They said his daddy didn't believe a word of it but were laughing too hard to render punishment. Besides he said the story were worth more than that old mule anyway.

Live Decoy

Lonnie Gene Whitmire (no relation) are what we calls a hunting guide. Peoples from the city come here at different times of the year to go hunting. Last year during duck hunting season this fellow from Memphis come down and hired Lonnie Gene to take him out to Lake Overlooked to shoot ducks. When they got out there seems like the man forgot to pack up his decoys. Since Lonnie Gene are what you call a natural hunter he don't never use decoys and tried to talk the man into leaving that part of hunting out of the picture. The man warn't interested in Lonnie Gene's advice and spotted this lone duck waddling around on the lakeshore. Well he proceeded to catch it and tie a rope around its neck. Then he wrapped and tied the other end around a heavy rock. Lonnie Gene named that duck Little Susie, right on the spot. He's been talking about that Memphis man ever since saying, "That dumb city slicker. He caught poor Little Susie, tied 6 foot of rope around her neck, anchored it with a big rock and dropped it in 10 foot of water. Poor Little Susie." Of course Lonnie Gene used the hottest kind of language which I ain't gonna expose to all y'all nice peoples.

Man in the Attic

Ludie Faye Magahee died last week. She were probably around eighty-five and had a good, strong, clear mind; except for one thing. She insisted until the very end that a man were living in her attic. He moved in about five year before her last days and she said he never come down unless to get food and use the bathroom. They asked her what he looked like and she said she didn't know 'cause she never had saw him. She could just hear him moving around and smell it when he made coffee. Nobody ever looked 'cause they knew the attic were all full up with old furniture and boxes of clothes, papers, and what-nots. She dropped off dead unexpected except she were pretty old. When they was looking through her papers they come across a note what said peoples should make sure to keep the ice box filled up with food and most important they should never let him run out of coffee. In one of her cabinet were about twenty pounds of Louisiane Coffee, the kind with chicory. A week after Ludie Faye passed, one of her daughters, Mayvene, come back and found the little ladder to the attic hanging down. She got her husband Carl Dean to climb up and look around, but he didn't find nothing. They checked the house real close and couldn't find nothing missing. Except all that coffee were gone.

The Doctor Made Him Do It

Around here you liable to get a visit from the preacher at any time. Sometime it's just a drop-by to say hello. And sometime it's a visit to let you know the preacher thinks you on the wrong path in life. Horace Quagmire were visited by the minister of the church where he used to be a regular member. I say used to be 'cause Horace ain't darkened the church door in more than a year. And he's been spending a lot of time sitting on a barstool down at the Do-Drop-Inn what is a beer joint. Horace told the preacher, "It just ain't my fault. The blame comes to my wife and mostly to Doctor Hogg." He went on to explain how his hearing were getting real bad, so bad his wife had to write little notes to him. One of these messages told him she had made him a appointment with the ear doctor and he better be there. Well he went and the doctor telled him good news. It warn't nothing but a big buildup of ear wax what the doctor took out then and there. Horace said he could hear things what he hadn't heard in years. But some of the things warn't good. He said between things the preacher said in church and what his wife was talking about day and night, he had had no idea what a bad person he were. He claimed nobody at the Do-Drop-Inn said bad stuff about him.

Debates

Me and Dorothy watched the debate last night. Ain't gonna say nothing about that except it got me thinking about peoples arguing about stuff. Here in Harper we got a man and his wife what is fighting all the time. I don't mean hitting, cutting or shooting; what they use as weapons is words. The husband were telling me how somebody told him the best way to end a argument were to just say, "Honey, you're right." And he tried it, but it didn't work one bit. His wife jumped back on him for what she called patronizing her. She said he were lying 'cause she knowed he didn't think she were right in the least bit. So he said the fight just went on and on, half the night. I said I didn't understand how they could stand to live together with all that fighting. And he said he didn't reckon they could if they didn't love one another so much.

Lessons from a Football Game

Hollis come over Saturday and we watched a lot of football on that giant TV screen what he talked me into buying. One of the players done real good. He kept throwing and running all over the field and made a bunch of touchdowns. After his last score all his teammates surrounded around him and give him all the recognition of a hero. Just a that moment the game were over and the crowd rushed onto the field. Then the TV picture went to a overhead view and the player along with the field and stadium and all the other players and fans got littler and littler. Pretty soon it looked like a modern art picture; you couldn't even tell what the picture were about. It got me thinking 'bout how small we all is; even heroes. Just like a grain of sand in the dessert. And if you believes in God, ain't it interesting how he can still care for anything as tiny as we all are. At least that's what I think.

Naming Kids

Down here we got special way of picking out names for our childrens. With boys, they sometimes gets real high-falootin names on their birth certificate like Williams James, but we calls them short names like Bill Jim. That way when they grows up and gets important they can use their fancy names if they wants to. Girls, a lot of time has middle names what come from their mother's family or other relatives' last names. Like Mary McDevelin. And they is called by both names, usually for the rest of their lives. When parents are younger the names seems to follow set patterns. But when children comes later in a marriage the parents tend to give real special names, names what show great importance. Mildred Spenceworth were in her late forties and her husband Claude Gene were over fifty, when she come up expecting. She had a healthy eight pound daughter and they named her Prunie Jean. When asked why, Mildred claimed prunes was real important to her; she just didn't think she could live without her prunes.

Gilead (Hollis)

Gilead by Marilynne Robinson

Three ministers, grandfather, father, son; prairie town, Presbyterianism, Congregationalism, abolitionists, young wife, old father, young son, friend's "lost son", grace, prevenient grace, Karl Barth, pernicious cohabitation, justification of an insignificant town, justification of a "small" life.

Naming Teams

When you look around at the names they gives to teams it look like the ones named for dangerous animals seems to do good most of the time. I reckon bulldogs ain't too bad to deal with in real life, but what they needs in meanest are made up with stubbornness. And I ain't got nothing to say about Crimson Tides 'cause I ain't never seen one of them in real life. But around here,for the most part, Tigers, Lions, Wildcats, and Bears seems to be winners most of the times. That's why we was so surprised when Collis Leadworth picked Polecats for the name of his community college football team. He were in Harper Drugs yesterday and I asked him about it. He said peoples got in cages with tigers and lions. And peoples wrested with bears. But anybody with good sense will stand clear when faced with a polecat. I reckon he knows what he's talking about.

Pranks, Yesterday and Today

Back yonder when I were just a young'n we was bad to play tricks on peoples in the community and on one another. It were all in fun and as far as I know nothing bad ever come from it. Like when the corn had been gathered up from the fields and the corn stalks was standing bare, we would pull them up by the roots and set them out across any nearby road. This were always done after dark. As you can see, a driver coming along would hit his brakes thinking he had done run off the pavement and into the field. I don't know if kids still do this somewheres, but I ain't seen or heard of it in years. Can't you just imagine what would happen today: SINGLE CAR ACCIDENT, ONE DEAD, ONE SEVERELY INJURED, FIVE YOUTHS ARRESTED. Today, I reckon young peoples would be in jail, parents would be sued, and there would be general upset from a simple prank. What's the difference? I reckon we have teed off our guardian angels or something.

Elvis Spotted

Horace Quackenbush were in the barbershop yesterday and vowed he seen Elvis Presley having breakfast at the Grits Shoppe. He said he knowed it were Elvis because of his ducktailed, well-oiled hair style and 'cause he looked just like the picture on the special Elvis postage stamp he kept in his wallet. Horace said he never went up to talk to Elvis 'cause he were too much in awe of his music hero to even move. When Elvis finished his eggs, sausage, bacon, cheese grits, hot cakes, fruit compost and coffee he just got up and left. At this point Horace's legs could move again and he run to the window and seen Elvis and some other mens climb on a Harper County road truck and head off toward the main highway. Horace are real good at spotting famous peoples. He is also good at finding likenesses of famous peoples in his food. One day he seen Abraham Lincoln in his vegetable soup. He called me over for a look, but all I seen were soup. I reckon Horace just has a knack none of the rest of us has been blessed with.

Streaker

About ten year ago we had what they calls a streaker here in Harper. He were a man around fifty year old and he lived alone in a house trailer down by the lake. We all knowed he were strange but nobody ever thought he would have run around without no clothes on. Actually he warn't completely naked; he were wearing black socks. The sheriff were called right off and sent three deputies out to round up this fellow. It taken them a long time because nobody wanted to touch him. They finally forced him into the back of the patrol car using cattle prods. Now heres the real strange part. That man (I reckon y'all sees how I ain't calling no names) wouldn't take off his socks. He didn't want nobody to see his feets. We figured he must have some real bad athletic foots or missing or mangled toes or something like that. When they finally forced off the socks after a few days, it turned out there warn't nothing at all strange about his feets. He claimed he just warn't the kinda man what would run around completely naked.

You're Fired!!

Billy Wayne Thornhammer got fired yesterday. He ain't been on that job what were selling office supplies but about two weeks. Now he's looking again. Seems like that boy just can't hold down no work. I was talking to Willis Spencer, the owner of Spencer Office Supplies, this morning. He were the one what fired Billy Wayne. I asked him what were Billy Wayne's problem and he said Billy Wayne come in yesterday looking like he had been in a fight with a wildcat. His hair warn't combed, his socks didn't match, his shirt were buttoned up wrong, and his breath smelled like whiskey and/or beer. I said, "So that's why you let him go." But Willis said that warn't the reason. He would have give him another chance, but when he got on to Billy Wayne, that boy come up with more excuses than a husband caught sneaking in at 3 AM. Billy Wayne said it just warn't his fault. He were out with friends last night and told them he needed to get home to get some sleep, but they insisted he just have one more. Then after a few more, he were headed home when he run out of gas. The sheriff come by and picked him up and taken him home (Billy Wayne's daddy are a deputy.) When he got home he accidentally knocked the alarm clock off the table and it shut off the alarm part. He woke up in time to get to work only about a hour late, but he had run out of corn flakes and had to run down to the Corner Market to get some. That's when he run into Malvena, a woman he had been drinking with last night. She needed a ride home and she lived way out in the country. When they got to her house she started in to crying and wanted Billy Wayne to come in and comfort her (he didn't say why she were upset), but his comforting taken a couple of hours. When he got home and was getting ready, he couldn't find his comb and he had run out of toothpaste. And he had forgot to pay his gas bill so he didn't have no hot water, so he skipped a shower. Willis said, "I figured after that explanation it warn't no way that boy would ever except any responsibility."

Mockingbird

The Mississippi state bird are the mockingbird. Since I can first remember we was taught it were a sin and against the law to kill a mockingbird. My grandma told me mockingbirds don't never hurt other creatures; all they do is sing for our pleasure. I ain't read near 'bout as many books as Hollis, but I did read a book called To Kill a Mockingbird what was wrote by this woman named Harper Lee. Ms. Lee didn't have nothing to do with Harper, the town were I lives. Her book is real powerful and shows how years ago, when it were still a sin to kill a mockingbird, it were alright with some peoples to kill peoples of other races. We is doing better down here now, but a few peoples is still a little backward on this; not so much for killing but for treating peoples bad. There was a movie made 'bout this book. I've seen it more than a dozen times.

Clearing a Few Things Up

Hollis tells me some of y'all is wondering about some of the things I been telling y'all. One of the things is why Mary Lou were hauled off to the asylum. Were it just the way she were acting sitting outside in the gazebo while her house burnt up? No! It were that she confessed on setting the fire herself. She figured it were a good way to get back at Graham. Since it were her house it were determined by the peoples what was checking her out that she must be a little off. But the main thing were when she were told she might be sent off if she didn't act more reasonable, Mary Lou said she would be happy to get out of Harper even if it meant going off to confinement. She kinda liked the idea of having somebody look after her needs ever hour of the day. And some peoples was a little upset about Graham and Marlyss not staying together. Well that's what happened. Besides they had about five years of happy living together. After Marlyss were long gone one of her coffee buddies told peoples what Marlyss were so down about were that she had to start ever thing what happened between them. Graham were content to sit back and wait for her to say what they was gonna do. And the main thing peoples want to know is: if or not all this stuff is true. I can say if you believe any of other things I have been talking about over the last couple of years, then you ought to believe this too.

Asylum

Seems like there is always been a need for a place to keep peoples what has gone crazy. In Mississippi the place is called Whitfield. Since I were a little kid I have heard peoples say to somebody what was acting a little strange, "If you keep acting that way they gonna send you to Whitfield." I reckon ever state has a place like that 'cause in Georgia I heard somebody say, "You ought to be in Milledgeville." Well, Mary Lou ended up in Whitfield. That's where she were when she died in 1974. Graham were able to get a divorce 'cause of her mind problems and he and Marlyss got hitched. They moved in together in Marlyss' farmhouse. Graham set the mynah bird free and I reckon it got ate up by some animal in the woods. It couldn't talk its way out of that, doncha know. The marriage of Graham and Marlyss lasted about five years till she move out and left him living in her house. Somebody said the reason it didn't last were she found out Graham were just Clark Kent and never were anything at all like the Superman she were looking for. Marlyss moved off somewheres up North and we never heard no more of her. From then on Graham lived a lonely life. He died sometimes in the 80's. It were over a month before they discovered his body sitting in his easy chair. The television were still on.

Gazebo

The sheriff and all them what was trying to figure out what begun the fire what caused Mary Lou to get burnt up, looked through the smoldering leftovers all night. They had put out what they called an all-point-bulletin looking for Graham. They did not know nothing about his fooling around with Marlyss at the time, but a lot of folks knowed how Mary Lou treated him and knowed he had a lot of good reasons to bump her off. But ever thing come to a head early the next morning when they heard this coughing coming from the gazebo what Graham had built on the lake. When they looked inside there sits Mary Lou and beside her there were her mynah bird. It were coughing up a storm, something what it learnt from Mary Lou. "Cigarette cough," she said. And both the bird and Mary Lou went in to a coughing spasm what lasted for five minutes.

Real Big Fire

When Graham left his wife were all passed out on the sofa with all them cigarette butts beside her, He admitted later that  thoughts run through his head 'bout how easy it would be to get rid of her once and for all. If she burned up with the house he would be rid of her and all his bad memories what living in that house brought out. And the house did burn down. It were a spectacular fire with peoples coming from all over town to see it. Peoples was standing outside far enough from the heat not to get their eye lashes burnt. They was shouting out, "Mary Lou, Mary Lou." But of course all they heard back were the firefighters yelling back and forth to each other and the shush of the water coming from the hoses and the crackling of wood burning and the lapping of the flames against the night air. Right away Graham were a suspect. The sheriff put out notice that Mary Lou's husband were to be sought out for questioning. But of course Graham were with Mary Lou. They was off to the Mississippi Gulf Coast for a non-matrimonial honeymoon.

Graham Leaves a Note

After Graham and Marlyss finished their business behind the gym, Graham got in his car and drove home. Seems like he had promised Marlyss he would leave Mary Lou that very night. When he got home his wife were lying on the sofa passed out from drinking mint juleps and other strong drink, so he just left a note. We don't know exactly what it said but it were something about taking all he could take and about how he were leaving her and his job at her daddy's drug store. He looked over at Mary Lou lying there with her mouth open, cigarette burns on her shirt, and beside her were a garbage can top what were filled with butts. He knowed at that exact moment he were doing the right thing.

Marlyss Follows

When Graham turned over that table and sent his writings all over the classroom and run out of the room, Marlyss run out after him. But I want to clear it up right from the start, she warn't trying to consolidate him. She just wanted to get at him about not having nerve enough to leave his wife and run off with her. After she got through slamming him around she jumped in her pickup truck--it were red--and took off down the drive. Graham run after her but she wouldn't stop. "But I love you," shouted Graham and Marlyss slammed on her brakes causing Graham to run past her for about twenty feet. He couldn't stop quick enough, doncha know. He walked back and when he got to her truck she told him to get in. There were a parking lot behind the gym what were dark as smut. That's where Marlyss parked. And that's where her and Graham done what ever they done to cement their love. Ms. Marguerite, the writing teacher were taking a shortcut and walked right past the truck. She said she couldn't see nothing 'cause the windows was all steamed up.

Graham and the Mynah Bird

One of the things what added to Graham's frustrations were this mynah bird what belonged to his wife Mary Lou. Y'all probably knows that mynah birds can talk. Well Mary Lou used this bird to get at Graham by teaching it to say things like: "Graham, you got to hell." And " Graham, you're full of sh**." This may not have been too bad except the bird warn't a slave to silence and would come out with these hard sayings ever few minutes. This and Graham's lack of good loving were getting to him. He were writing about a rich man and his new bride what spent their honeymoon in this castle somewheres in France. This palace must have had a hundred rooms and the bride and groom was on a route to honeymoon in ever one of them rooms. And they said Graham were real descriptive about their labor; working out his needs doncha know. The teacher recommended that he find a castle with fewer rooms so they could get along on with the class. This didn't set well with Graham and when Marlyss agreed he come loose from his control and turned over a table sending scores of his papers all over the floor. Then he stormed out.

 Next time: Marlyss follows.

Marlyss

Like I was saying Graham met up with Marlyss in this writing class he were going to. Marylss went to LSU and were a real big fan. She most always wore purple and gold clothes, no matter were it dresses, pants, shirts, or headwear. If you ever saw someone with a LSU cap with dark brown hair coming down from underneath it it were Marlyss. She wrote mostly stories about this old grandmother she had; all about how she moved up from poverty to property owner. She and Graham met quite often; they said to go over their classwork. What come out were Marlyss, when she first looked at Graham seen Clark Kent and just knowed he had on a Superman suit underneath his blue blazer and kaiki pants. She even made him take off his glasses when they was together. She were always putting pressure on Graham to leave Mary Lou and run off with her. And she were keeping her loving to herself until Graham made the big move. All this were putting Graham into a boil and he were holding it inside. We all knew that one day it were gonna explode. And it did.

Why Graham Took to Writing

Harper are a small town and there ain't much what escapes the eyes and ears of its residents. What happened between Graham Hickenlooper and his wife Mary Lou were no exception. Peoples use all kind of old saying to explain it, like Mary Lou were like the dog what caught the Greyhound bus. When she got it she didn't know what to do with it. Seems like Graham were what you might call the loving type and Mary were more like the block of ice type. Pretty soon they was sleeping in separate bedrooms and Graham were getting more and more disagreeable. Mary Lou got sicker and sicker and were self-confined to her house for the most part. Graham had a friend what he confided in and this friend suggest one way for Graham to work out his frustrations were to join up with his writing class and get all his worries down on paper. Graham joined up and begin to write long, drawn out stories pretty much ponygraphical. This were alright with the writers cause they was trying to be real modern even back in the 50's. This is where Graham met up with Marlyss.

Yellow Raincoat

Graham's wife Mary Lou didn't hardly never get out of the house. She had her own car but she only drove to the doctor; never to the grocery store or nowhere else. Ever body knew when she were out and around 'cause she never wore nothing but a yellow raincoat outfit. I mean on the outside, of course, she wore some kind of clothes underneath. Her medicines was delivered from a drug store what her daddy owned and where Graham worked as bookkeeper. Graham had to do all the shopping and word were out that Mary Lou gave him a tough time. All this happened in the 1950's and ended up in a real hard way. Next time I'll talk about Graham and the writing class.

A Wife Kinda Like Lincoln's Wife

One of the things what I learned about Abraham Lincoln were that his wife were a little nuts. He put up with her and run the nation and the war. He were a good man. We had a man right here in Harper what had a wife kinda like that. She were spoilt by her daddy what owned about half the town. The man's name were Graham Hickenlooper and his wife were named Mary Lou Hickenlooper. She never were what you would call pretty but she were passable and she were pretty rich, when she were young.  Some peoples said Graham married her for her money. Graham were tall and handsome and must have lifted weights cause when he mowed the yard with his shirt off he looked like Charles Atlas in them comic book adds. He may have married her for money, but he soon found out there warn't enough money in the world to make it worth his while. Mary Lou turned out to be a hippoconderack and a chain-smoker and a mint julep drinker. She smoked so much while lying on the sofa she burned little holes in her shirts and used a garbage lid turned upside down as a ashtray. I'll tell more tomorrow, Dorothy wants me to stir the stew on the stove while she runs next door to take Nelda Bellweather some chicken noodle soup. Nelda's down with a cold.

Learning About Lincoln

Like I told y'all I am volunteering down at the Harper Liberry. One of the things I noticed while putting up books are the number of books what are about Abraham Lincoln. My first thought were ever body knows a lot about Lincoln since he are thought to be one of our greatest presidents, but when I commenced to look through some of them I found out a lot I didn't know. Like, Abraham Lincoln didn't hardly eat nothing. He would skip meals and a lot of days he didn't eat nothing but a apple and some cheese. This is probably why he were such a skinny looking fellow. And it also caused him to have constipation. It seems like he took a treatment for this what were mixed up by a Washington drug store. It were something called blue mass. And one of the peoples working in that drug store were involved in the assassination of our president. He were later hung. The man what actually shot Mr. Lincoln were named John Wilkes Booth. After he done his foul deed in that theatre where the president and his wife was watching a play, Booth jumped down on the stage and hurt his leg real bad. Him and his helpers run south and was helped by this Dr. Mudd what fixed up his leg. A lot of peoples was upset about this doctor helping a man what shot there president. That's where we get the saying, "Your name is Mudd."

The Harbinger (Hollis)

The Harbinger by Jonathan Cahn
732 BC- Isaiah 9:10 - bricks - hewn stone - sycamore - cedar - warning - Eternity
Still thinking about this one.

Two Kinds of Food

I reckon y'all heard about the food pyramid. I think it were invented by some Pharaoh in old time Egypt. I don't cotton to it. I believes there is only two kinds of food: food what are good for you and food what is good to you. By good to you I mean food what you like. By bad for you, well I reckon y'all know what that means. Now the trick are this; find what is good for you and make it taste like the food what is good to you but bad for you. Dorothy are a genius when it come to doctoring up foods. She can make almost anything taste good. She makes hamburgers out of turkey or vegetables and she can flavor it up where you don't miss the real thing all that much. Her vegetables are spiced up and made to be pleasing to the tongue. She has done good on almost all veggies, but I reckon I'd have to say brussels sprouts are a work in progress.