Showing Appreciation

I just got back from an eye checkup. While I was waiting for my eyes to dilate a woman came in the darkened room and struck up a conversation. I never figured out why but a lot of people tell me a lot of things. I guess I know how to look interested or like I can be trusted or something. Anyway, this woman revealed several things about herself in just a few minutes. She enjoyed travel, but not as much as when her husband was living. He came in real handy lifting luggage, getting directions, buying tickets and providing a feeling of security. She said she never appreciated how much he did for her until he was gone. I thought about that as I drove home. Dorothy was surprised when I came into the kitchen where she was sticking a couple of potatoes in the oven and gave her a little peck on the cheek. "I just want you to know how much I appreciate you," I said. Well, I appreciate you too, Harvey Lee," she replied. "Now will you please take out the garbage."

Tales of Harper, short stories and poems about the fictional town of Harper, Mississippi is available on Amazon Kindle

Coming soon: More Tales of Harper (an ebook on Amazon)

Pumpkin Drop

You know how people see a good dish on TV and write down the recipe and go home and fix it? Well, Jason Whonoe goes them one better. He's not a cook, but he is an inventor and when he sees things like pumpkin canons or underwater camera he goes to his workshop and gets to work. We were over last fall for the pumpkin shoot. He used an old dead car down by the fence to his property as a target and on the very last shot of the day he hit it. Tomorrow night, New Years Eve, Jason has prepared a pumpkin drop to mimic the apple in New York or the peach in Atlanta. I was over yesterday when he was testing it. He rigged up this little device on the side of his tallest silo and fixed pulleys and cables to a shelf that holds a large pumpkin. This is all hooked in to his computer and he had his oldest boy, Seth, who is a senior at Mississippi State, write a program that will lower the shelf in exactly eighty-four seconds. It will be real important that he his the button at exactly at that point so the pumpkin will reach the ground at the right time. This is really a moot point because everybody who comes in will be instructed to move their watches ahead by an hour and half. New Years will come to the Whonoe farm at 10:30 so we can all get to bed. There ain't many around here who have ever seen midnight. I asked Jason why he used a pumpkin. I said pumpkins are more for Halloween or Thanksgiving. Jason told me he just couldn't find a decent watermelon this time of year.

Tales of Harper, short stories and poems about the fictional town of Harper, Mississippi is available on Amazon Kindle

Coming soon: More Tales of Harper (an ebook on Amazon)

Walking in My Woods

It wasn't too chilly this morning so I went for a long walk in the woods. Over the years, my family has walked our property so much that we have set-trails. It would be impossible to get lost for there are so many familiar markers along every path. Not that things don't change; every now and then a tree has to be taken out and of course they grow bigger and look different, but not so much from one year to another. There is a little creek that runs into the lake and I like to stop there for a rest. Sometimes I sit for a minute, other days I linger longer. It all depends on what I have to think about. Today I reckon I stayed an hour. I got to thinking about my family: my daughter, who lives only fifty miles away, my middle son who now lives in Charlotte, and my oldest boy in California. My daughter and middle son keep in touch and visit now and then. My oldest boy won't have anything to do with me. He's a big lawyer (for movie stars) out in Hollywood and I figure he's ashamed of me. I reckon he has a right to be except I ain't the same daddy that did all those crazy things when my son was a youngster. I didn't treat him or his mother right and I fully admit it. The other two children can see that now. I don't know how I can make it up to my lawyer son if he won't communicate. Maybe one day I'll go out west and surprise him. Wouldn't that be something?

Pronouncing Things

One thing that always get to me is how people in other countries pronounce their letters. Like in Spanish making a "j" into an "h" or Germans saying a "v" when a "w" is as plain as day on a page. I reckon Vagner's dog vaged his tail to the vorks he vrote. This morning Cletus Mooreloft told us he was going out to California next summer to visit his daughter. He said, "She lives in San Joes." Marvin Mix corrected him, "Out there they pronounce a "j" like an "h", so it's San Hosea." Wendell Smyther asked Cletus when he was going and Cletus said, "I figure we'll go out in Hune or Huly."

Keeping Healthy

Tales of Harper, short stories and poems about the fictional town of Harper, Mississippi is available on Amazon Kindle

Coming soon: More Tales of Harper (an ebook on Amazon)

This morning our barbershop gang got to talking about resolutions for 2014. Then the subject melded over into keeping healthy. All sorts of theories popped up; an apple a day, walking, dieting, and not worrying so much were mentioned. That's when a stranger came into the shop for a shave and haircut. He was using a walker and breathing real heavy. We thought he would be a good one to ask since he had obviously lived longer than the rest of us. The question came out, "To what do you attribute the state of your health." He answered, "I drink a lot, probably a fifth a day. I reckon I smoke over two packs of unfiltered cigarettes a day and I can't begin to count the number of women I have been with. I reckon that just about sums it up." We stood in amazement until Jack Ledderfed asked, "Just how old are you?" The stranger answered, "If I make it until next May the twelfth, I will be thirty-four years old."

We See What You Got For Christmas

Every year the day after Christmas people here in Harper get in their cars and drive around to see what other people got for Christmas. This is possible because folks display their trash so passersby can see the boxes that the items came in. Even if you don't join this little sightseeing parade around town you can't help but notice all the widescreen TV's people got when you're going through town. No matter what size house a fellow lives in, from six bedroom to mobile home, a big TV seems to be a necessity. Washers, dryers, video game players, stereos; folks seem to be getting more and more each year. I reckon if these things came in plain brown wrappers people wouldn't take so much time arranging the display. They would wait until the night before pickup and then set out the trash for morning pickup. But since the advertising is so colorful and dramatic they use it to show off their prosperity (real or faux) for their neighbors to see. I burn my boxes. We can do that here in Harper.

Tales of Harper, short stories and poems about the fictional town of Harper, Mississippi is available on Amazon Kindle

Coming soon: More Tales of Harper (an ebook on Amazon)

Christmas Greeting

Merry Christmas to our friends all over the world.
Happy Holidays to all.

Christmas Surprise

A bunch of years ago I was in New Orleans on Christmas Eve. I was down there for a storytelling group I still belong to. My usual stories were about fishing and I alway wore fishing clothes to do the telling. This was during the time when they had first struck oil on my property and I hadn't spent any of the money. I was married to my third wife, Trixie, who was a little bit more materialistic than my first two. Trixie had been after me to buy her a new car, so I dropped into the Mercedes place on my way out of town. I reckon the salesmen saw what I was driving and decided I wasn't worth fooling with 'cause I stood a long time by myself just checking out cars. Finally, I overheard them laughing and they called out a young fellow who looked like he just got out of high school. He was real polite and asked if I had any questions. I said, "No thanks. I'll just take this one and that one over there." The other guys almost fell out. The young fellow got a big commission that day. I saw to it he would get it all. Now before y'all think I'm too extravagant I want y'all to know I still drive both those cars. Every year we send that young car salesman (I reckon he ain't that young anymore) a real nice Christman card with a little gift card in it.

Tales of Harper, short stories and poems about the fictional town of Harper, Mississippi is available on Amazon Kindle

Coming soon: More Tales of Harper (an ebook on Amazon)

Last Minute Shoppers

This morning the barbershop gang was talking about Christmas gifts for their wives. I didn't say much because I got Dorothy something special this year and didn't want to overshadow the others. I am the only one with an oil well on his property and I have to watch what I say. Willie Renforth wanted to know if they still made Evening in Paris perfume. Hansel Merks said he was getting his wife a new vacuum cleaner. It hadn't come in yet so he was going to wrap up a picture from the catalog and put that under the tree.  Billy Joe Forte said his wife wanted this birthstone ring, but with the economy being what is it he wasn't going to spring for that, he thought a little necklace he saw in the window of Polly's  Pretty Things would do just fine. Merks Mitchell said he was all set since he bought a big box of candy that was put on sale after Valentine's Day down at the drug store. I reckon we're all set if they still make that Evening in Paris stuff.

Tales of Harper, short stories and poems about the fictional town of Harper, Mississippi is available on Amazon Kindle

Coming soon: More Tales of Harper (an ebook on Amazon)

After a Big Rain

It seems strange to have such warm weather on the week before Christmas. Yesterday we had a whole passel of rain and today the sun is poking through bringing seventy degree weather. It gave Dorothy and me a chance to use our screen porch. We at our lunch there and then I had another cup of coffee while I read this book I been working on. Dorothy made little hors d'oeuvres (I had to look up how to spell that one) using cucumber slices, smoked salmon, some kind of herb/garlic cream cheese, and a Sicilian olive half. Then we had grilled jalapeno pimento cheese, bacon, lettuce, tomato on sour dough sandwiches with potato salad. I hope I can read without dozing off.

Tales of Harper, short stories and poems about the fictional town of Harper, Mississippi is available on Amazon Kindle

Coming soon: More Tales of Harper (an ebook on Amazon)

Instant Gratification

I'll bet y'all all know somebody who just can't wait for good things to happen. Like eating the lone cherry out of the fruit cocktail first. Or peaking at Christmas gifts. People on TV make jokes about it like: She stands in front of the microwave and yells, "Hurry, hurry, hurry." Maybelle Smartz came in the library checked out a book and before she left the counter she leafed to the last couple of pages and read the outcome. When she saw how I was looking at her she said, "Well, I gotta see if I like the way it turns out before I spend time reading it. Don't you ever want to know who done it before you read a mystery?" I told her, "No, not since I looked ahead in my dictionary and discovered the zebra did it. That just ruined the whole book for me."

Tales of Harper, short stories and poems about the fictional town of Harper, Mississippi is available on Amazon Kindle

Coming soon: More Tales of Harper (an ebook on Amazon)

War Bonds

After me and Dorothy was married and we moved into the big house, we spent a lot of time exploring through closets and drawers. We found a lot of old stuff like shoes and clothes. But one of the most interesting things we came upon was a bunch of World War II bonds. Dorothy is younger and doesn't remember the drives to sell these bonds, but I do. As I remember almost every movie had an ad with some movie star urging everybody to buy war bonds. And we had drives at school to collect paper, metal, and such for the war effort. The prize for the most poundage was always a bond. My daddy must have bought a lot before he went in to the service and then I reckon Momma took over from there because of how many we found. When I told the guys down at the barbershop about my find, a number of them suggested I find out the value and cash them in. They would have to be worth a lot for me to give them up since they are a little connection to my family and to my youth. That kinda thing is irreplaceable.

Tales of Harper, short stories and poems about the fictional town of Harper, Mississippi is available on Amazon Kindle

Coming soon: More Tales of Harper (an ebook on Amazon)

Cash Only

We got this store here in Harper where you gotta have cash to buy anything. They don't take checks, credit cards, or IOU's. The store sells lots of things, everything from personal grooming items to books. You can even get an ice cream sundae or milk shake from their soda fountain. They don't sell tobacco or alcohol, so you can't get lung cancer or drunk from their products, but you sure can get fat. It may or may not be a coincidence that the owner's given name is Cash, Cash Simpkins. Cash told me one day when we were discussing things in general that he felt his life was simpler not having to keep us with charge accounts, lay aways, or credit card companies. You can see Cash or his wife, who works in the store, walk next door to Harper Bank and Trust several time a day to make a deposit. Cash says he don't like to keep more than a hundred dollars in the store. He was held up, not here in Harper, but in the last town he lived in. That was over forty years ago, but he has never forgotten that experience. So if you happen to come to Harper and want a real good milk shake or malted milk, you gotta bring at least a dollar. The milk shakes sell for seventy-nine cents and the malted will set you back eighty-four cents unless you want an egg. In that case, you need twenty-five more cents. Cash gets the eggs from his own chickens, but he says he needs to cover a gathering expense for his efforts.

Tales of Harper, short stories and poems about the fictional town of Harper, Mississippi is available on Amazon Kindle

Coming soon: More Tales of Harper (an ebook on Amazon)

Shrinks and Drinks

We got this woman here who has a drinking problem. She has been fighting it for years. Her main weapon in this battle is a psychiatrist in New Orleans. Every Monday she takes the City of New Orleans down to the city and checks herself into a Canal Street hotel. From what I've heard she spends Monday night on Bourbon Street feeding her habit. Then at 10 AM on Tuesday morning she gropes her way to the doctor's office where she spills out all the reasons and rationalizations for her drinking. She tells these things to everybody she come across here in Harper so if venting is her reason for the doctor visit she gets the same thing for free at home. But we don't have a Bourbon Street here, in fact all we have that's anything like that is the Do Drop Inn. She told Dorothy the other day when she dropped by the house that she could quit anytime she wanted to. Dorothy said, "I could start anytime I wanted to." I'm not sure what Dorothy was getting at but the woman was in tears when she left.

Tales of Harper, short stories and poems about the fictional town of Harper, Mississippi is available on Amazon Kindle

Coming soon: More Tales of Harper (an ebook on Amazon)

Lottery Dreams

In some states you can buy a lottery ticket and have a chance to win about 650 million dollars (before taxes). This morning the barbershop gang were talking about what we would do if we won. It was what you call an academic discussion 'cause not a one of us had actually bought a ticket. But it was fun just to plan out your future as a wealthy man. One fellow said he had a mobile home all picked out and had selected a lot to put it on. Another guy told about his wife's desire to own a Rolodex (sic) watch. He would buy her two if he won. One man had seen a movie where a hunter had a whole room full of guns and the heads of animals he had shot, he wanted that. Somebody said he wanted to travel. He had wanted since he was a boy to visit all the Civil War battlefields and he would strike out on that journey as soon as the money was in the bank. I didn't say much, but I did think of all the relatives and friends who would pop up when they heard about your good luck. It would be like when people heard they struck oil on my property only twenty time worse.

Tales of Harper, short stories and poems about the fictional town of Harper, Mississippi is available on Amazon Kindle

Coming soon: More Tales of Harper (an ebook on Amazon)

Infinity

This morning down at the barbershop the topic of discussion was infinity, not that that word was used a lot. Breedlow Wiggins started things off by telling about reading an article that claimed the universe went on for ever and ever. Somebody said they thought forever was just as long as for ever and ever. After that was settled we got back to the universe and Wartfield Barringer stated his disbelief that anything could go on without stopping somewhere along the line. A. Q. Johnston asked, "Well suppose there was an end and there was a big wall at the end, just what do you think would be on the other side of that wall?" Wartfield said, "Damn. Just when I thought I had it all figured out you gotta come up with a stupid wall." Maize Morganston said he was almost convinced that there was a thing such as infinity when his mother-in-law came to live with them. He claimed the old woman was deathly ill from the first day she entered their house and it took her twenty-three years to die.

Tales of Harper, short stories and poems about the fictional town of Harper, Mississippi is available on Amazon Kindle

Coming soon: More Tales of Harper (an ebook on Amazon)

Planning for Spring

We just got in from a meeting in our side yard with a fellow who was making suggestions about planting for the Spring. The fireplace was a welcomed sight after standing out on such a blustery day. It seems strange to stand out in the cold and plan for things to do in warmer weather, but that's the way it goes. You gotta think ahead. He recommended taking out a couple of trees that are diseased, one with a fungus and one with a kind of beadle.  Dorothy wanted a particular maple, but the tree guy says we live too far south for that particular tree. I told Dorothy she would have to keep getting her syrup at the grocery store. She gave me what I call her courtesy laugh. I requested a fast growing tree. At 81 years old I don't figure I'll enjoy a slow growing variety.

Tales of Harper, short stories and poems about the fictional town of Harper, Mississippi is available on Amazon Kindle

Coming soon: More Tales of Harper (an ebook on Amazon)

City Slicker

Horace Winkle was down at the barbershop this morning laughing about this fellow from Chicago who came down to duck hunt. Horace is what they call a guide and went out to the lake with this fellow. Horace brought along a bunch of decoys to float on the water to attract the ducks as they flew over. He was getting ready to dispatch his fleet when the city fellow came walking up with a live duck he had managed to catch lakeside. Horace said he just sat back and watched while the fellow took the little duck out in the boat. He attached a six foot length of rope around the duck's neck and dropped it overboard. Unfortunately the place in the lake where he made the deposit was eight feet deep. Horace said, "I seen that little duck 'bout ever time I was at the lake and growed real fond of it. I called it Little Suzie. This dumb city slicker dropped it over and plumb drowned it. Poor Little Suzie."
One of the fellows asked what became of the duck and he said the city fellow waited until time to leave and then rowed out and retrieved it. He claimed he was going to take it home and cook it. Somebody spoke us and said, "I reckon at least the meat will be real moist."

Tales of Harper, short stories and poems about the fictional town of Harper, Mississippi is available on Amazon Kindle

Coming soon: More Tales of Harper (an ebook on Amazon)

Childhood Yens

When I was a young'n most of us kids had little things we wanted, things that were simple by today's standards. My cousin, Eb, wanted a fake antenna for his bicycle. He knew it would not produce a radio signal but he still wanted it. A girl that lived down the street wanted a doll that you could feed water from a tiny bottle and make that doll wet its pants. I don't know if she ever got one, but she did end up with eight children so I reckon she changed enough diapers. My little fantasy was brought on by a radio ad that came on most every day. It was for Super Suds, a product for washing clothes. They stated that you could get two truckloads of suds from a single box. I wanted to purchase a box and take it down to a small pond behind the house. There were no fish in there and I could see no harm in tossing the box of soap in and running a water hose down to stir up the foam. I never accomplished this little experiment because every time I saved up enough money for Super Suds, something else caught my eye and I came home with comic books or candy. I guess I'll never know if the ad was truthful.

Tales of Harper, short stories and poems about the fictional town of Harper, Mississippi is available on Amazon Kindle

Coming soon: More Tales of Harper (an ebook on Amazon)

Second Laser

I just got home from the doctor's office. Today was the day when I got my left eye laser-shot to correct what they call secondary cataract. Like the right eye it only took the doctor a minute to zap whatever he zapped with the beam. It took ten minutes to sign in, ten minutes to get all the necessary drops, five minutes to wait my turn with the doctor, a minute of zapping, a couple of minutes for instruction from the doctor, and ten minutes for the nurse to wash out my eyes. She also checked my blood pressure and the pressure in my eye. All in all it was a quick and easy visit. I feel so lucky to have a great doctor with a good staff. Now I'm waiting for the pupil to shrink to normal so I can get rid of these ugly throwaway glasses.

Tales of Harper, short stories and poems about the fictional town of Harper, Mississippi is available on Amazon Kindle

Coming soon: More Tales of Harper (an ebook on Amazon)

Lights On

Last night Harpoon Murphy turned on his Christmas lights. You notice I said turned on and not put up. The lights are strung all around his house, in several trees, over three dead cars in his front yard, and on each side of a quarter mile of road that lead down to his house. This little tradition of lighting his property started over twenty years ago and has grown bigger every year. The first year, after Christmas, Harpoon and some of the guys who work in his tire shop took down all the lights and stored them away for a year. This only happened once and since then the lights have stayed in place with new lights added year by year. The power company complained because they were afraid the overload would affect other customers, so Harpoon bought several generators and stationed them around his property to help with the lighting. People can park on the side of the road and walk down the drive to get a better view of the lights. When they get down to the house Harpoon and/or his wife are there to greet them and to hand out a little flyer advertising his tire business. I reckon that's one way to celebrate Christmas.

Tales of Harper, short stories and poems about the fictional town of Harper, Mississippi is available on Amazon Kindle

Coming soon: More Tales of Harper (an ebook on Amazon)

Feud

We got this little feud going on her in Harper between two of our citizens. It started a couple of years ago when Mr. A decided to get a group of people together to confront Mr. B about his excessive drinking, an intervention. It didn't set well with Mr. B and he swore right then and there to get even with Mr. A. The next year right around Christmas Mr. B sent out invitations for a party that was to be held at Mr. A's house. It was what they call a BYOB party (bring your own bottle). People started showing up on the day on the invitation. Mr. A was quick to figure out who was involved in this prank and in his decision to use this as an opportunity to get back at Mr. B. He had his wife take the bottles out to his truck as they arrived. He told the guests that there would be no drinking before everyone was there. After a while he informed the guests that all the booze had been sent over to Mr. B's house. Mr. B was in need of drink for the holidays and was short on money and he was just helping him with his needs. Of course, the guest were outraged, but Mr A stood his ground and sent them on their way. People started showing up at Mr. B's house wanting their bottles back. Unfortunately there was a little accident on the way over and the boxes fell off the back of the truck. The volunteer fire department was called in to wash off Harper Lake Road. We are waiting to see what happens this year.

Tales of Harper, short stories and poems about the fictional town of Harper, Mississippi is available on Amazon Kindle

Coming soon: More Tales of Harper (an ebook on Amazon)

Library Fire

We had a little fire down at the library where I volunteer. It wasn't a big thing just a toaster oven in the break room that wasn't cleaned properly. Boy did I catch it down at the barbershop this morning. Jasper Sealgood came up with that old joke I heard when I was in the third grade: The Harper Library burned last night. Both books were destroyed. And one hadn't even been colored in yet. Mayfield Simmerfield said he hope we saved The Inferno. Mayfield went off to college for a year. Bennie Moreloft offered to donate all his books if it would help. I told him no thanks, he could keep his Playboy magazines. Milford Wattstoe wanted to know if he would still have to pay the late fee on the book he checked out last April. I told him he would and he said he would return it as soon as he came up with enough money to pay the fee. Anyway, we have a pretty good little library for a small town. We just don't have a pretty good group of readers.

Tales of Harper, short stories and poems about the fictional town of Harper, Mississippi is available on Amazon Kindle

Coming soon: More Tales of Harper (an ebook on Amazon)

Early Snow

Today I am watching football and it seems there is a lot of snow in a big part of the country. I am happy to say we have no snow here and I was thinking about how it does snow more around here than it used to. When I was young people used to say it only snowed once every seven years down here and in my 81 years I can remember only one time when it snowed before Christmas. That was just a few years ago. I am putting on a picture of what it looked like here on the lake. People around here wish for snow to fall and then are glad when it melts. A few years later they must forget because quite often I hear them wishing for those little flakes to start falling. I was gonna say, "The grass is greener." But I reckon, "the snow is whiter" is more appropriate.

Tales of Harper, short stories and poems about the fictional town of Harper, Mississippi is available on Amazon Kindle

Coming soon: More Tales of Harper (an ebook on Amazon)

Long Time No See

We went to this Christmas party last night, Dorothy and me. It was held at Margo Muntzer house down on Cross Lake Road. I reckon there were about a hundred people there roaming all over Margo's house. It was good weather so a lot of us stood out on her patio. I could see the lights from our house across the lake and was kinda wishing I could head that way. One of the things that irritate me about parties like this is it brings out the lack of originality of folks. You know how almost everybody you pass on the street says, "Have a good day." Well, last night the number one thing people were saying was: "Long time no see." I bet I heard it twenty times at least. The last straw came when Wendell Maze came up to me and said, "Hey Harvey Lee. Long time no see." I said, " Wendell, I saw you yesterday down at the barbershop." And Wendell came back with, "I know, Harvey Lee. It just that that's what people are saying nowadays."

Tales of Harper, short stories and poems about the fictional town of Harper, Mississippi is available on Amazon Kindle

Coming soon: More Tales of Harper (an ebook on Amazon)