Wedding Writeup From the Harper Bee

                                  W  e  d  d  i  n  g  s

Last evening at 6:30 PM on the shores of beautiful Lake Harper, Dorothy Smith and Harvey Lee Whitmire were united in holy matrimony. Rev. Hershel Holliday, pastor of the Harper County United Methodist Church preformed the ceremony.

The bride wore a fabulous yellow pants suit of her own design and making. The three button, two pocket design was the delight of all those attending.

Hollis Wainwright, the groom’s great nephew served as best man. Ms. Sarajean Smith, the bride’s sister was maid of honor.

Music was prerecorded by Mr. Wainwright and consisted of the overture from The Marriage of Figaro by W. A. Mozart and the Intermezzo from Cavalleria Rusticana by Pietro Mascagni.

After the lovely, but short ceremony the crowd was directed up to the old Whitmire house, 1 Harper Lake Road, for a superb reception. Food was provide by Dorothy’s Café on three sawhorse and ply board tables delicately adorned with white table cloths and the flowers brought hurriedly up from the services. The center table had punch bowls, one on the far right with lime sherbet punch and on the far left an orange sherbet punch. Mrs. Jacob Overmeyer and her daughter Sally Beth poured from both ends.

The happy bride and groom are off on a honeymoon trip consisting of several cruises in far away places such as Germany, the Mediterranean, Australia, and Alaska.

They will reside in Harper where Dorothy operates Dorothy’s Café and Harvey Lee is resident fisherman and storyteller.

Me and Dorothy's Big Day

In a couple of hours me and Dorothy is gonna get hitched. Ever thing is all set and Hollis are gonna put in the article what are being written for the Harper Bee, our weekly paper, by Marilu Jean Spinner. You can read all about it tomorrow. Well like I said this is my last daily posting. I hope to give Hollis some stuff ever now and then to tell y'all. Me and Dorothy plan to do some traveling over the next few years. We may go on tours, but I feel real comfortable about traveling on our own since me and Hollis taken that trip to England last year. I don't think I'd get lost on the Underground now. So I reckon Hollis will want to tell y'all some of my travel stories. I want to thank all of y'all who looked in on my Harper stories over the last year. I am pleased that peoples from 36 different countries tuned in. Hollis says the blog will stay up even if we don't post, so peoples can look back over the last year. Bye for now. Hope to be talking to y'all soon. And remember to check tomorrow for the Harper Bee story.
Bye,
Harvey Lee Whitmire

This picture were take awhile back. I reckon it were winter 'cause now there is more leaves on the trees. But it's the exact spot where the wedding will take place. So put some green in your imagination and you'll get the idea.

Methodist

My first wife, Bethel, were a Baptist; so I become a Baptist. My second wife, Mary Kate, were a Catholic, so I become a Catholic. Trixie, my third wife, were the one what went just to revivals, so we was always going to different churches or in one case a tent. So I guess I ain't been nothing since Mary Kate. Dorothy are a Methodist. And I reckon I am too. That's kinda the way it works around here; a man becomes what his wife is, as far as churches go. I like the Methodist minister, Rev. Hershall Holliday. He is a good preacher and tells it like it is. I don't reckon I'm gonna mind being a Methodist. Tomorrow me and Dorothy get married out on the lake. The wedding's gonna take place at 6PM when it gets a little cooler. On Sunday Hollis will print the report from the Harper Bee, our newspaper.

Gotta Wear a Tie

I don't hardly never wear a tie. And I only got one to my name. Hollis were after me about my wedding suit and he said he reckoned it were okay. And then he seen my tie, the one with a cowboy on it. He said
that just warn't gonna do so he brung me one of his own. It's red and blue stripes and I reckon it'll do. What I can't see, if Roy Rogers could wear a cowboy tie when he married Dale Evans, why can't I wear mine. Dorothy said I should listen to Hollis since he's a real up-to-date guy. Well I'm feeling better. Got over my aches and pains what I woke up with yesterday and I'm ready for the big day. We gonna meet on the shore of Harper Lake. That's on Saturday and that's the last day I'm doing this blog on a ever day basis. It will be number 365 and that's one year worth. From then on it will be done either weekly or ever other week. Hope y'all don't forget me.

The Dangest Thing

I ain't never sick much. But I waked up this morning with aches and chills. I reckon I had a little fever too but not too much. So I started doing what I know to do. I started taking CitriDrops (10 drops in a little water, followed by a full glass of filtered water.) The main thing I don't want in the water is chlorine. A doctor in Atlanta told me one time that chlorine warn't good for you to drink. It's good up to the point where the water comes out the tap. Then you need to filter it out. A funny story about the Harper water supply. For years and years old man Chester Dawes run the water plant. Peoples just loved Harper water to the point what peoples what was visiting in Harper would take home jugs of Harper water cause it were so much better than what they got at their towns. Well, old man Dawes died a few years back and the water started to taste real funny like. That's when we found out the only chlorine in Harper's water were in the samples he sent off to the state to be tested for how much chlorine were in it. I gotta get well 'fore Saturday 'cause that's when I am getting hitched.

Clothesline

We got a real nice washing machine and clothes dryer. I got 'em from Sears and Roebuck up in Jackson. Me and Willie went up in my truck and loaded 'em up and brung 'em home. And me and Dorothy gonna use 'em too. Except Dorothy likes to hang clothes out on a clothesline for the most part. She says the fresh air purifies 'em. I reckon she's right, but when we get married I plan to continue to wash my own clothes and use my new dryer to dry 'em. She said she didn't mind keeping up with my washing along with hers and I wouldn't mind but I'm kinda use to taking care of myself and as long as I'm able I plan to do just that. It ain't like it's a lot of trouble with the new machines to do all the work. I told Dorothy I didn't mind helping her taking clothes off the clothesline since she are still gonna run the cafe. I think me and Dorothy is gonna get along just fine.

Dorothy at Millsaps

When I were back from Korea living in Harper I run into Dorothy a lot. She were just a young girl and I were married and raising a family. She tells me she had always taken a liking to me, but just kinda an admiring kinda thing. She were raised a Methodist so it seemed like it were natural to go to Millsaps. She got a degree there in what they call liberal arts. But she never put it to no good use. Her mama needed her to work in their cafe. It were their only means of income and they done good at it. Dorothy don't talk like me, but she don't hold that over my head none. She said I could talk anyway I want to as long as she can understand me. So I ain't never seen no use to clean up my language. I figure that living in the same house with Dorothy some of her good English will rub off on me though. She said she don't care one way or the other. I reckon that's one of the things I love about her. We getting married this weekend. Hope y'all will tune in and read about it.

                                                     State Capitol in Jackson, Mississippi

Hollis Are Up At Millsaps

I think I told y'all Hollis decided to enter the writing program at Millsaps College in Jackson. His girl goes there. He said that didn't have nothing to do with his joining up there, but.... Y'all all know that Hollis wanted me to start this blog thing and have been trying to write it up in my words as close as possible. He has material for six more posts after this and then we gonna stop doing it ever day. That's 'cause of his school work and all that stuff. It were a lot of fun doing it and I still got to tell y'all a few more things before I quit. Hollis says after we finish up the daily thing he are going to leave the information up and peoples can go back and read all the days as they want to. He says he might post something ever week or so. Dorothy are real happy Hollis are going to Millsaps. That's where she went to school. I'll tell y'all all about that tomorrow.

Old People's Names

A lot of the names peoples my age has, ain't being used no more. Boys was named: Cecil, Eugene, Randolph, Leon, Leonard, and of course Harvey. Girls was even worse with names like: Mildred, Hazel, Pearl, Opal, Laverne, Beulah, Dorcas, Hortense, and of course Dorothy. My name come from a old uncle on my mama's side name of Lee Harvey Thompson. He were from Selma, Alabama. Dorothy's name come from the Wizard of Oz in the person of Dorothy Gale played by Judy Garland. For that reason Dorothy have always been proud of her name. You ought to hear her sing "Over the Rainbow." It would be nice if some of these new mamas and daddies would pick some of them old names, just so ever body wouldn't be named Brittany and Sean.

Chopping Block

One of the things what Dorothy wanted moved to the big house were a enormous chopping block. It warn't all that big, but it were unhandy and weighed about as much as one of the big hogs out at Westminster Jenkins' farm. It were about as unhandy to carry as one of them pigs too. Me and Willie had it all to ourself and we was up to the job. Sorta. It taken us several tries before we got it up the stairs and into the back door. Then Willie brung out these little plastic thing what we put under each leg and it slud just as easy as pie. When we got it where Dorothy wanted it, right in the middle of the kitchen, we took them plastic movers out and the job were done. We both taken out our handkerchiefs and wipe our brows. Willie said that block should be called "death in a table." I think he were right. Then Willie started teasing me some. He claimed that my head were soon gonna be on that chopping block, talking about me getting hitched and all. It didn't bother me none 'cause that's just the way me and Willie is and always has been. You know, teasing one another and all.

Everything White

When me and Trixie was living in the big house before she run off with the tent preacher, she wanted a lot of color on the walls: red, purple, forest green, and even one room solid black. Dorothy are different; she wanted all the rooms white. She allowed that white walls show off colorful accessories so much better. I ain't gonna argue with her just like I didn't argue with Trixie. So me and Willie, my good friend, cleared ever thing out, one room at a time, and commenced to paint all the walls white. We both pretty good painters and knew how to use a primer to the best advantage. I will say all the rooms took a bunch of coats and that black bedroom took more than I want to count. Now that ever thing is white I reckon it's time for Dorothy to start moving her things over. And she does have some nice stuff. Why some of her stuff is old enough to be antiques. Tomorrow we borrowing Jed Simonton's big truck and we gonna try to move it all in one day. Then we'll see how much them white walls show things off.

Blacksmith

My granddaddy were a blacksmith. Back when I were little, in the 1930's, we still a bunch of horses in Harper and my granddaddy (we called him Pa) shoed 'em all. As the horse population started to drop off Pa got into the business of building wooden side walls for pickup trucks so the owners could haul cattle and such with out buying a bigger truck. This is what he called his wood and metal business. He let me help him even though I were still a little flipper. This is where I got interested in welding. Pa had a welding setup and showed me how to weld. I got better'n most anybody around and pretty soon I were taking on odd joys for the locals. My mama made me quit though when there were a welding accident in McComb.
A man who worked for the railroad were welding a gas tank from a truck and it exploded. After he recovered he told how he were real careful to empty all the gasoline from the tank, but there were still fumes floating around in there. So I went back to my job at the grocery store, bagging and delivering. After my mama passed on I took up welding again. I got kinda arty and started making metal animals what peoples staked out in their yards. One of the ones most popular were a little monkey with hooks what could be hung from a tree.

Good Ole Dr. T.

One of the things we kept in our medicine cabinet were Dr. Tichenor's Antiseptic. It were invented by this confederate doctor named Dr. Tichenor way back in the civil war. We learned in school he were one of the first doctors to use antiseptic in surgery, in fact he were shot in the leg during the war and they wanted to cut it off, but he talked them in to letting him use his antiseptic and he saved that leg. His product were sold all over the south after the war and you can still buy it today. We used it for mouthwash, insect bites, boils, dandruff, ingrown toenails, cuts, bruises, warts, and a bunch of other stuff. I don't reckon you could go to anybody's house and not find a bottle of good ole Dr. T. somewhere around. There were this fellow on WWL radio out of New Orleans back when I were a boy. His name were Pinky (funny name) and he recommended Dr. T. for a whole bunch of things. One thing I remember is he always talked about his big fat wife and what she used Dr. T. for. He were real funny.

Divorce

I reckon y'all know that old Tammy Wynette song D I V O R C E . Well I could add a new verse with the letters: T R I X I E in there 'cause me and Trixie is finally no longer a couple. It taken me a long time 'cause Trixie were so hard to get a hold of. I reckon I ought to feel a little guilty (but I don't) 'cause I sorta tricked her into coming to Harper. I told her I got some good news from the bank and she needed to come over to sign some papers. She were all into that. It taken her eighteen hours to get her, all the way from Waco, Texas. I warn't lying completely 'cause the bank did tell me that me and Dorothy together would save some money on our taxes when we was hitched. And I did give Trixie a couple a' thousand dollars for making the trip. That really taken the sting off it. Of course, I had to tell her I warn't gonna give you no more money in the future. I told her she would have to ask Dorothy. I know she ain't gonna do that.

Why Getting Old Ain't So Good

Harvey Lee’s List of Why Getting Old ain't so good.

1.     Regularity has moved from the bathroom to the doctor’s office

2.     It takes a U-Haul for an overnight trip

3.     Peeing ain’t as easy as it used to be (in so many ways.)

4.     When someone says the word sex, you think they said six. Or socks.

5.     Looking at a picture of a pretty girl is just as good as looking at a pretty girl.

6.     You have a constant urge to remove the mirrors from your bathroom.

7.     The neighbors across the lake complain about the volume of your TV.

8.     Your ironclad stomach has turned into a boiling cauldron.

9.     You have more warts than teeth.

10. The preacher asks you to use a Breathe-Rite strip during his sermons.

11. You worry about things like: Is the speed of dark exactly the same as the speed of light?

12. Your favorite candy is Tums.

13. Your favorite mixed drink is Metamucil.

14. Going out to eat means lunch on the porch.

15. You keep charts on things like: mail delivery time, expiration dates on milk, and who's in the nursing home.

16. You can think of the names of more people who are dead than names of those who are alive.

Grumpy Is Normal

Harvey Lee’s List of Why It Is Great to be Old

1.     For the first time, people think you are funnier than you think you are.

2.     No pressure to walk any faster than you want to.

3.     You can say what you damn well please.

4.     You only have to have one candle on your cake.

5.     Instead of criticism you only get a pitiful look and a little shake of the head.

6.     When you don’t leave a tip they think you just forgot.

7.     When you come to a stop sign all you have to do is blow your horn and proceed ahead.

8.     Your weight is only important to your doctor.

9.     You have mastered the technique of silent flatus, or at least you think you have.

10. You don’t give a damn if Mississippi State beats Ole Miss.

11. You can’t read the numbers on your bathroom scale.

12. If you ain’t read it you probably ain’t gonna read it.

13. Your favorite mode of transportation is the rocking chair.

14. You can watch TV at any hour of the day.
15. Grumpy is normal, pleasant is exceptional.

I Ain't That Old Fashioned

I reckon y'all know I'm seventy-nine year old and y'all probably think I'm 100% old fashioned. Well that ain't so. I admit I would like a lot of things to be what they used to be. But most of them is things about how peoples treat one another, don't you know? But when it comes to keeping up with the modern world I ain't too far behind. A year or so ago, I had solar panels installed on the south side of the big house. And you know what? My power bill are usually zero and a lot of months I actually sell electricity back to the power company. I put a wood burning outdoor furnace in my back yard. It heats the whole house in the winter and heats my water all year round. Of course, I got all the wood I need right on my property. And I got a windmill down by the lake so when it's dark and stormy I got a good source of electricity. Haven't had to worry about the power going out since I got it.
Now I ain't saying all y'all need to do all this, but it wouldn't hurt to think about it.

New News From Harper

Just to keep y'all up to date on what's going on around here, I thought I would just list a few things what is going on. First, Hollis were going to Ole Miss, but changed his mind and now is going to Millsaps in Jackson. That's where his girlfriend goes, don't you know? He ain't going to be able to do this blog ever day 'cause he's gonna be too busy to keep in close touch with me. And another big thing what happened is me and Dorothy decided to get married. We been real close friends for many years and Dorothy already lives up in the big house (I stay down in my lake cabin) and keeps ever thing running for me. In  case y'all think Dorothy is after my oil money, you're wrong. She's seen my will and knows she already are gonna inherit most of what I got. She just figured she'd be able to look after me better is we stayed in the same house and she warn't gonna do that out of wedlock. I am sure we'll be real happy 'cause we always has got a long so good together.

Water

Me and Dorothy were down at CheapMart the other day and I couldn't help but notice all the bottles of water they had for sale. They has all sizes and peoples is walking around with these bottles of water drinking out on 'em all day. Now I ain't never paid no money for water in my life. When you grow up on a spring fed lake and has springs all over your property there just ain't no need to pay for something what comes to you free. Years ago my granddaddy come up with the idea of putting a four inch pipe down in one of the best springs and water shoots out from that pipe all day long. We use a well for water for the
house but I comes down at least once a day to this pipe and fills up buckets and gallon jugs with some of the best water you ever seen. Word got out that this spring water could cure all kinds of things and I was always getting requests for sick folks to come down and get some. It got to be more than I could deal with so I come up with this idea to charge (not to make money, but to run people off.) Peoples begged so much for free water that I let one person come on ever few days and haul water out for the others. They had to promise they wouldn't charge. Of course I quit charging too since this kept 'em off my property for the most part. Willie and his kids can come anytime they want to. They come across the back way since our property is joined up, don't you know.

Pandonia's Box

I don't reckon a lot of y'all has heard of Pandonia's box. I ain't till Hollis told me about it. Seems like this woman, Pandonia, in old Greece or one of them countries had this box and she warn't supposed to open it under no circumstance. But she did. And in that box was all the troubles of the world. Things she hadn't even heard of started happening to her. I got a cousin what got real interested in our family history. And all that stuff what was locked up in a kind of Pandonia's box was let out for all us to know. Now we know about peoples in jail, leaving their family for bad womens, cattle rustling, and even one bank robbery. But you know what? The thing what hurt me most were about my great uncle Tulley Whitmire. It don't say in the papers I read anything bad he done, but it does day how he must have rubbed all the peoples around him the wrong way. Somebody wrote that on the day he died peoples of the county took to horseback and rode all over the countryside blowing trumpets, beating on washtubs, and scraping giant spoons down the ruffles of washboards. At his funeral the church choir sanged the Hallelujah Chorus over and over till some of 'em had to quit due to sore throats and broke up the group. It's just left to our imagination what all he done.

Oil Money

I reckon y'all been keeping up with the news--all this economy stuff. They say on the news that oil prices is going down. I figure that will hurt me some, but I ain't too worried. I have enough to last me the rest of my life anyway you look at it. I don't need too much and always has a lot left over. The only thing what bothers me is I may not have enough to donate to some of the peoples what needs it so bad. One of the places I been trying to help is a place in Atlanta what takes in unwed, pregnant teenagers. They give them a good home to live in, help them finish up their education, and provide guidance and support once the babies is born. Now they is trying to build a bigger house so they can help more girls. I reckon one of the reasons I got interested in this place is because of my second son Jack. He's the one what had two girls in trouble at the same time. Now he lives around San Francisco and has a real nice family. He taken care of both children and I helped too. Both boys is real successful and is finished college. Jack come back to Harper last year and went to visit both of 'em. I reckon he would have married one of the young girls back then, but I wouldn't let him do a coin toss. This wadd'n no football game.
I ain't trying to get peoples to donate, myself, but if anybody wants to they can find out from me where to do it.

What We Drank

When I were a young boy the most popular drink (out side of a co-cola) were a RC what stood for Royal Crown Cola. We used to always drink that one while we ate a Moon Pie. Don't know why but they just seemed to go together. Another drink were called Delaware Punch. It seemed to always go with Bar-ba-Que sandwiches. Then there were these little drinks called Orangettes, Grapettes, and Lemonettes. They come in little bottles but they cost just as much as a RC what come in a bottle more'n twice as big. The company that made them little drinks said in a advertisement one time that what made them worth the same for less were that they was so special. I ain't sure about that but for some reason we bought lot of 'em. Kinda like that little candy bar called a Gold Brick what were real little but cost a dime while the rest cost only a nickel. It still goes on today. Peoples pay more for less if you can convince them it's the thing to do.
A lot of politicians has figured that out too.

Molasses

Another thing we made from sugar cane were molasses. It's like syrup only darker and thicker. You've probably heard that saying: as slow as molasses in January. When it gets cold, molasses gets slow. I always liked molasses better'n syrup and I like watching 'em make it. Real good molasses makers is hard to find, but my grandpa had a good one in Moses McAbee. I wish he were still around to make some today. I have been trying to decide whether to tell you a story I heard once about molasses 'cause some of you may think it's a little on the dirty side. I decided to tell it anyway 'cause I first heard it from a deacon of the church. I reckon it's okay to have a little fun now and again.
One time there was three moles: a papa mole, a mama mole, and a baby mole. Early one morning they woke up and was excited by the smell of breakfast cooking over at the farm house. The papa mole stuck his head out of the mole hole and said, "Mmmmm, I smell bacon and eggs cooking." The mama mole squeezed out beside him and said, "Well, I smell buckwheat pancakes cooking." But the baby mole couldn't push up past his mama and daddy and said, " I can't smell nothing but molasses."
Sorry.

Sugar Cane

We don't raise sugar cane no more, but when I were a boy we had sugar cane far as the eye could see. It were fun when time come to make syrup. My granddaddy had this old mule what he hooked up to a long pole what run up to a cane press. The mule were made to walk round in a circle. Now I reckon y'all could appreciate how dull that would be to even a mule, so grandpa put blinders on his mule, Old Sag, so he could only see straight ahead. That way he figured he were headed somewhere other than round and round. We brung the cane up from the fields on a wagon and use a machete to clean of all the dirt and rubble. The cane were shoved down into the press and the mule walking around caused the press to push all the juice out of the cane. The juice run down this wooden trough into a boiling pot what had a fire going under it. This is what made the syrup thick. None of us kids was allowed to push the cane into the press 'cause it were so dangerous. A lot of folks in Harper County was walking around with their arms shorter than they was supposed to be 'cause of sticking them too far into the press. Now all the syrup come from some big company I reckon.

Cotton Picking Relatives

Somebody from one of them foreign countries what has tuned in to my blog asked me if I ever picked any cotton. The answer are no. But I had a bunch of ancestors what did. We even got pictures showing my grandpa and grandma and a bunch of their kids working out in the fields. When I were little we had a cotton gin here in Harper and peoples from out in the county would drive trucks loaded with the white stuff up under this shed. They had a long sucker what looked like a extra large elephant's trunk what hung down out of the ceiling. When the truck were under it it sucked all the cotton up and over to the machine what took all the cotton seeds out of it. The man what run the sucker didn't have but one arm and the story what went around about him were his arm were sucked off by the cotton sucker. When I were grown I found out this warn't true. He lost his arm from a hand grenade in World War I. Ain't it funny how stories get started?

How Hot Is It

Well the answer: real hot. We are thankful we has been getting some rain. But, of course, that makes the grass grow even faster than usual. I got me one of them riding lawnmowers and I find myself sitting on it a whole bunch of the time. Hollis bought me one of them little Walkmens and I use it to help me pass the time away. I am about the only one around here what listens to opera and I find it helpful to make things go better for me while straddling my grass cutting machine. My property what needs to be mowed are pretty large so I can listen to a whole opera and still have time for more music before I'm finished. In a few months when things get cold around here and peoples are wishing for warm weather again, I hope they remembers what hot really means.

Keeping Up With Harper's Animals

Right besides Effie Blackwelder's desk in the Harper Population Office are the desk of Lucius Tom Leddingfield. Lucius's job are to keep up with all the animals. He tried his hand at preaching but he had a few problems with the church where he were at. He only wanted to preach out of The Song of Solomon and the church peoples did not like that one bit. Now he keeps a number count on pigs, cows, mules, horses, dogs, cats, goats; well I reckon you see what I means--he keeps up with 'em all. It's harder than people counts 'cause we got so many more animals. A few year ago Lucius got the bright idea of keeping a count on bees. He read that the average hive have about 50,000 bees, so he just uses his times table to figure out how many bees would occupy the number of hives in Harper. One problem he has is the report he read said in the fall the number of bees per hive were 100,000. So he just doubles the count through the fall. I were talking to Lucius the other day and he tells me he's working on a way to do a mosquito count. He sits on his porch at night and counts the number of bites he gets per hour. But he can't figure out what to do with that number. I don't reckon I can help him none. I use OFF.

Population

One of the good things 'bout living in Harper is it's easier to keep up with things. Take populations for instance. We got a Department of Population and a Director of Population and she works ever day. When it comes time for the US census they just come right to Effie Blackwelder's office and she gives 'em all the numbers. She knows at all times how many peoples is in Harper. The minute she hears a body dies she subtracts one number from her file and when a baby are born she puts one number back, but only after she goes by the house to make sure the baby are home from the hospital. When boys and girls go off to college she takes off their names, but puts them back when they is home for Christmas or weekends. You can see that even though we ain't a big place the job of keeping up with folks is a pretty hard one. When Effie were nominated for this position years ago, the person what suggested her claimed she were the one for the job 'cause she already knowed ever thing about ever body.
Today's population: 806
Tomorrow: Keeping Up With Harper's Animals