Random Kindness

We got this fellow here (I ain't gonna give out his name 'cause he don't want me to) what does what he calls random acts of kindness. He does these things unomonously 'cause he believes if he is to be blessed for what he does he can't get no credit here on earth. How come I even knows about it all are 'cause I come upon him one day dropping a envelope into a magazine in a doctor's office. He were real embarrassed with me for seeing him do it, but I reckon he had to come clean on what he were doing since I spotted him doing it. The envelope had written on it the words: PLEASE GIVE THIS TO SOMEONE WHO NEEDS IT MORE THAN YOU DO. He said the envelope held in it a twenty dollar bill. I asked him how he would know who got it and what they done with it and if it went to a good purpose. He said that warn't his problem. He had done his duty and it were up to the Lord to follow through on the execution of his deed. This fellow felt like if he directly give the money to a needy person he would have to be credited for his goodness and this would remove any heavenly reward for his work. Hmmmm.

Teatime in Harper

Mavilene Purtle and her daughter Doralene went to London, England last year. One of the things they done while they was there were to have afternoon tea. And they brung the tradition home with them. Ever afternoon at four o'clock sharp they has teatime. Now teatime are kinda like a coffee break what we have here except they serves tea instead of coffee and they has cookies and cakes and all kinds of sweets to go with it. Over the year Mavilene has invited just about ever body in Harper to one of her teatimes. She ever bought a special tea set what she proudly uses ever day. One of the things what has been spread around Harper are not to say anything what Mavilene might take offense to about having teatime or about the English too. She gets real upset with anyone who do. She are what they calls a Angle File.

Learning About White Noise

A lady come in the library, the one I volunteer at,  today and wanted to get a book name of White Noise. It had to be ordered and she will get it next week. I've been learning how to use the interweb and tried to put a google on the name of this book to find out more about it for my own knowledge. What I come up with were a lot of mention of little machines what put out a kind of radio sound what are called white sound or white noise. It is supposed to muffle out sounds what you don't want to hear. I ain't learned enough about this kind of invention to figure out all the uses, but it would have been real handy to have around while I were married to my second wife.

French Friend

Linus Limberger are a sorta friend of mine. We've knowed one another for forty year of more. Linus are what are called a neer-do-well. He's started up a bunch of businesses and ain't none of 'em made it. And when he's run into trouble he's always called on me to help him out of the ditch. Ain't no telling how much money I give him over the years. Last week I called him up and asked him to give me a hand collecting money for a family what has come on to bad times. I told him it wouldn't cost him no money just some of his time and it would be a big help to me if he would do it. Ever time I pass his house I see him sitting on his porch in his swing. I figured it might do him good to have something useful to do. Well, Linus told me he would be glad to help but he were real tied up thinking up a new project and didn't need to have nothing get between him and his thoughts. I guess he could tell my disappointment 'cause he said he hope his turning me down would not affect our friendship. I told him not to worry he could just be my French friend; he could call me whenever he needed something.

Mark Twain (Hollis)

Uncle Harvey Lee, whenever he sees me reading, tells me I should read Mark Twain. Of course, I read several of Twain's works while in high school and I did enjoy them, but last week I came across a book with the collected writing of Twain and bought it for less than ten dollars. Since then I have not been able to put it down. So many things written over a century ago apply to the happenings of today. Mark Twain's ability to use the right word(s) to express just what he wants to say is amazing. To paraphrase Mark himself: There is as much difference in the right word and the wrong word as there is in lightning and the lightning bug. I can't express my appreciation of this author better than Uncle Harvey Lee's comment: "What this country needs right now are another Mark Twain." Well, I guess I could express it better grammatically but not with regard to content. If I could learn to portray the look on Uncle Harvey Lee's face and the profound delivery of his words when he talks about his favorite author I would truly think of myself as a good writer.

Old Car Man

Lewis Smartz were real good with cars. I ain't never seen a car problem what Lewis couldn't fix. The reason he were so good at it were because he loved it so much. Why one time Lewis taken a 1946 Buick completely apart. I mean ever thing what could come apart he taken apart. And then he commenced to putting it back together and when he were done with it it cranked right up and run like a top. Last year Lewis were submitted to a nursing home. I come across this picture when one of my friends sent it to me. It ain't Lewis in the photo, but I reckon it could be knowing what I knows about him and his cars.

And the Winner Is....

Back about thirty year ago we had these two brothers what was always trying to see what one were the best. They was the Dunnawort brothers and they would throw down the dime on anything one or the other could think of to wager on. They fought about who could run the fastest, what one had the dog what could eat the most hamburgers, whose wife could lose the most weight in one month, and even what one could swim across Harper Lake the fastest. The older brother got caught about twenty foot from the other side and the younger one had to swim back and drag him to safety. But the darnest bet of all were what one would outlive the other. They found this knot hole in a tree and each one put a silver dollar in with the idea that the one what lived longer would come down and collect. Well, as it happened the younger brother kicked off first and after the sadness settled down the older one went down to the tree to collect his reward. When he reached down into the hole all he found were a note. The note said, "I figured you'd go first so I went ahead and taken the money and bought myself a couple of beers. If you find this note I'll leave it up to you who won."

Guessing Ages

One thing I learned real early on are not to even try to guess the age of a woman. Mens don't care too much but womens is real sensitive when it come to how old she is. The reason I'm even thinking about all this are the fact that I had a man, a tree surgeon, come out yesterday to figure out how old this old pecan tree might be. If you go across the lake to the other side you can see the top of this old tree sticking up above the other ones. And it's a big around as any pecan tree I ever seen. The man said he were reasonably sure the tree are over four hundred year old. Why, that were around the time the pilgrims was having the first Thanksgiving Day feast. I ain't sure the age this tree doctor come with are right, but I would like to believe it are. I don't know if there are boy trees and girl trees, but I figure if there is, this pecan tree are a man tree, the way it stand so tall and proud of it age, doncha know?

Good News on Thanksgiving

We got a good phone call this morning. It were from my boy Jack what lives in California. The good news is he may be moving to Atlanta. He's the boy what invents things and him and a friend wants to set up their own company. And California ain't a good place to do it according to Jack. They has a good opportunity to make a office in a place called Buckhead what really are just a part of Atlanta. I been there and I reckon if Buckhead warn't right slam up against a big city it would be a big city on its own with all them tall building and all. I am so thankful Jack are coming closer to home, over two thousand miles nearer, but I do kinda wish he could do his work in a smaller place. Seems like all peoples do in them big cities are fight traffic and pay taxes. I'm still real thankful though.

Fine Line

There is lots of fine lines in the world. Like the line between being a good neighbor and a busy body. Like when Old Lady McBee called her next door neighbor to be sure they was all okay when she spotted only three of 'em at the supper table. There are a fine line between a dutiful wife and one what puts up with a no good husband. And a line between a good worker and a brown-noser. One of the thin lines what bothers me the most are the one between a discussion and a argument. The polices come last month and took in Buster Brownscales. He claimed him and Herve Barnman was just having a friendly discussion about a woman they both was hot on. The police weighed in that Buster crossed the fine line when he introduced a knife to the debate. Herve will live but it ain't easy to recognize him no more.

Be Careful What You Ask For

I been seeing on the TV about this company what makes sweet cakes are going out of business. They was struck by a union. They told the peoples if they was struck they would close and they did. I ain't taking sides in all this 'cause I ain't sure what's right and what's wrong. But it did make me think about old man Nahum Wishbourney and him being a deacon at the Harper Lake Baptist Church all those year ago. Ole Nahum were a tall, skinny fellow with sharp features what kinda put you in mind of Abraham Lincoln. He were made a deacon mostly 'cause of his dedication and regular church attendance. It were always amusing to us kids 'cause Nahum would come into church, look over the crowd to see who were there, and then drift off to sleep. Over the years it got to be his regular job to second the motion on anything what were proposed. In fact some people called him Second-the-Motion Wishbourney. Now the Wishbourneys lived out in the country about ten miles from the church. The church provided a bus what went all over the countryside around Harper and collected worshipers. Well this were right after World War II just when things was getting more prosperous, doncha know? And as times got good more and more peoples was getting their own cars and not riding the bus any more. So one Wednesday night at prayer meeting somebody made a motion to cut out the bus service since it were only going to one house. Old Nahum's wife were sitting beside him and gave him a nudge to let him know a motion had been made and he sat right up and shouted out, "Second the motion." Next Sunday he missed Sunday School and come in late for church. He didn't have no idea what happened to the bus. But being as how it were a church we talking about, peoples got together and taken turns in bringing all the Wishbourneys to church. This went on till one of the Wishbourney boys got a job at the pickle plant and buyed himself a used Ford motor car.

Being Thankful Ain't Always Good

Now I know we all need to be thankful and with Thanksgiving coming up I hope we all will be. But there are somethings that's bad to be thankful for. Like this old uncle of mine, Uncle Tulley, what died back in the 1920's. He were powerful mean, so they say, and hardly nobody liked him. He were known to shoot a dog just for sport and he treated his wife and kids real mean. Well when he were pretty old he taken sick and were lying in his bed for weeks. Peoples said he were just to mean to die (that's the story what were handed down.) He finally did pass on and as the word spread through out the county of his departure, peoples got on horseback and rode around the countryside beating on drums or washtubs and blowing bugles. Them what did not have musical instruments just shouted. They said peoples rode till the horses couldn't run no more. They yelled till they was too hoarse to yell no more. This is the story what were handed down and I reckon it's true. What I do know is I've heard all the womens in my family, my mother and her sisters, when ever they was upset with their husbands say, "You acting just like your old Uncle Tulley." So I reckon it's true.

Fourth Quarter

We love our football around here. Me and Hollis (and a little bit Dorothy) has been watching all day. Our favorite team plays a good game for three quarters but always falls apart in the four quarter. They done it again tonight. Got me thinking about myself and how, if you wants to look at this way, I'm playing in the fourth quarter of life, me being eighty year old, doncha know? And I reckon it's left up to me keep playing good until they blow that final whistle, what I reckon will sound more like a trumpet if what I learnt in Sunday School are the fact. Anyway I hope to keep getting up ever day, looking out over the prettiness of Harper Lake, and being thankful for all what are given to me. I just hope that at the very end of the game I'll have the ball in my control and I'll be churning out a path with all my might what will lead me over the goal.

Burning Brush

Like I told y'all last week me and Dorothy is cleaning out stuff. I taken a whole bunch of old canceled checks and receipts from over ten years old over to the Methodist Church where they was offering free shredding. Then I gathered together old magazines, newspapers, and even old pictures. This morning were kinda frosty and a good morning for a brush fire. I figured to add all the old paper things and burn 'em up. I were sad to see some of the pictures going up in smoke. But I thought it were time to move on. When I got back to the house I found where Dorothy had took out pictures of my first wife Bethel and our kids. She even saved a few of Mary Kate, wife number two. None of the pictures of Trixie was in the stack. They all good cremated and that were all right with me. Dorothy are the best wife I ever had. Sorry, Bethel.

Different Wives, Different Rules

Ever one of my wives had different things what was real important to them. Bethel, my first wife, were a school sweetheart. She didn't have no rules, probably should have 'cause after I come back from Korea and were feeling sorry for myself I went a little wild. After she died I married Mary Kate, a nice Catholic woman. Mary Kate needed somebody to take care of her and I needed somebody to take care of my kids. Mary Kate had lots of rules. She learned from the nuns she had went to school under how to lay down the law. I finally had to tell her I warn't following no rules what she didn't write down 'cause I couldn't keep up with so many. Mary Kate got herself run over by a streetcar in New Orleans. Trixie, my third wife, the one what run off with the tent preacher didn't worry with what I done as long as I were buying her things and taking her places. Dorothy, the sweet woman I'm married to now, ain't got buy one rule: STAY OUT OF MY KITCHEN. After Trixie run off I did a little cooking for myself. It were what you might call real creative single man cooking. Stuff Dorothy ain't about to put up with.

Hollis Note: Anyone interested in reading more about Uncle Harvey Lee's wives can look back to his posts in September 2010. Trixie's post is September 25, 2010.

Another Lobster Story

I reckon I ought to set this story up a little before I begins. Around here you can't hardly find a cafe or restaurant what don't sell catfish. They even raise them on what they calls catfish farms. But Lobster. To get lobster a fellow would have to drive a hundred miles and know something about what a lobster are.  Now a person what don't have no ideas about lobsters ain't stupid. As I said before he's just ignorant. I'll bet there are peoples in Maine what don't know much about catfish. Well the story. Hamstead Wheelhouse are a drug salesman. So he ain't no way what you can call stupid. In fact he's a little on the witty side always coming out with cute comments. Like when the waitress asked him after his meal if he want coffee and he said, "No, thank you, ma'am, I'm a Baptist." Hamstead and three of his friends went to a meeting in New Orleans a few years ago and ate at one of them fancy restaurants they got down there. One friend orders a dozen fried oysters, the next wanted a dozen grilled shrimps, and the third asked for a dozen scallops. Hamstead had been thinking over the menu what were cloth covered and the size of his brief case. He decided and asked the waiter to bring him a dozen of them lobsters. Now some thinks Hamstead were just using his wit, but he told me direct he were just plain ignorant about them strange creatures.

Going for the Lobster

Me and Dorothy don't go out to eat so much anymore. I reckon it's mostly on my shoulders 'cause I just hate to miss one of her home cooked meals. But last night we went to Seafood Heaven to partake of their all-you-can-eat special. The owners of Seafood Heaven come up from New Orleans after Katrina and they brung some of their decorations what they saved from the flood waters. So right over the buffet table they got a fishing net with plastic fish, clams, crabs, and one big red lobster. We was held up in line by this pretty big fellow what neither me or Dorothy didn't know. I reckon he were from out of town. He were standing there staring at the fake lobster and his mouth were drooling. I gave Dorothy a little nudge and she whispered in my ear, "He's not going to take that, is he?" Well he done it. He taken that big red plastic lobster on his plate. It were so big it knocked off a big blog of potato salad onto the floor. One of the mens behind us were upset and said kinda loud that he thought the lobster grabber were stupid. I had to set him straight. I told him the fellow might be stupid but we doesn't know that. What we does know is he is ignorant.

Making the Most of Stuff

Babe, that ain't her real name, got into riding motor cycles back in the fifties when she were a young girl. And she kept it up until the accident in 1995. What happened were she had her mind off the road and run into the back of a stopped garbage truck. Her bike and her slid under the truck and it taken a hour to get her excavated from all that mess. Babe were taken to Harper General Hospital and operated on. Three months later she were let go from the hospital with a metal plate in her head, right in the middle of her forehead. The doctor what did her operation had wanted to be a plastical surgeon and done a real good job. You has to look real close to see anything different from anybody else's forehead. Her husband Buster, that ain't his real name either, are what you might want to call a inventor. He has come up with all kinds of things like disposable coat hangers what will dissolve in water. He claims he made a battery what will keep a charge for years, but it were too big to get anybody interested. Now he ain't one to let any opportunity slide by, so when Babe come home with that metal plate, Buster went to Harper Five and Dime and buyed a whole bunch of them little refrigerator magnets. Ever morning when he goes off to work--Babe sleeps in since her accident--Buster writes out a little note to his wife and leaves it stuck to her forehead with one of them magnets. Some days it has a to do list and some days a reminder for a appointment or meeting. And some days it don't say nothing but" I love you, Babe."

Learning About Golf

I got a friend what are going to Paris, France. He don't want to but his wife does, so I guess you can guess he's going. So he are taking this recorded course on learning French to speak. Now at my age I ain't about to tackle French or no other foreign language; not till I master English. But golf are another matter. My friends all wants me to play golf with them. It warn't a big sport around here when I were growing up, but several peoples had land just sitting there so they made golf fields for peoples to play on. But I figure I got to get me one of them courses to learn me the language of golf. Like they use words I know but they has different meanings. Like links, to me a link are a sausage. And putt are a sound and a not too pleasant one. A birdie flies in the sky or sits in a cage. A eagle are just one kinda bird. Bogie were a movie star. Mashie are something done to potatoes. A scratch are applied to a itch. A slice are a piece of pie. A hook will catch a fish. Fairway are the honest and best policy in dealing with others. Green are a color. Doglegs are what dogs walk around on. Teed off are when you are mad about something. I ain't even gonna discuss sweet spot and lay. You can see I got a lot to learn about before I even hit my first ball.

About Talking Good

Me and Dorothy gets along real good except she gets a little irritated about the way I talks. Like I told y'all I quit school in grade seven and one-half, but they learned me good English while I were there. I just moved away from it by talking like all the peoples I fished and hunted and whittled with. Now Dorothy graduated in English from Millsaps, what are a school for real smart peoples. So y'all can see how my talking is like fingernails running down a blackboard to her. I will say she don't correct me ever day in what I say, but I can see her lose her neck when her shoulders come up to her head ever time I talk. But I'll let y'all in on a little secret. I ain't as dumb as I talks. Like crossword puzzles. I work 'em ever day and to complete. And in ink. I knows all the states in alphabetical order. And all the capitals. I can name most of the countries in the world and their capitals. And if I wanted to I could talk good. But y'all gotta remember I'm gonna be eighty next year. If I am gonna correct things in my life it ain't gonna be talking English good.

Shredding Memories

My momma and daddy had to pay a grocer bill twice during the depression. They had throwed away a receipt. Needless to say they never throwed away another one as long as they lived. Kinda like that thing, I think it were Mark Twain what said it, about a cat what sat on a hot stove and never sat on another hot stove again. Or a cold one either. Well I reckon I were kinda taught to be a hoarder, but Dorothy are just the opposite. She wants to get shut of ever thing what ain't got no use no more. Today they was offering free shredding down to the Methodist Church, a keep the county clean movement, doncha you know? Dorothy kept after me and I taken about six box loads of old letters, checks, and receipts down to get cut up. I stood there and watched till ever one were gone. On the way home I felt the loss. It were like a slice of my brain had been put through them blades. I know it don't really matter much, but old things what was taught to us is hard to get past.

Calls From the Hereafter

Cecil Ray Rimehouse were real sorry when his wife, Mable died last year. At least that's the show what he put on. We all knowed how bad he were to her during all the years they was together. The sheriff were called out many times to stop him from beating on her. And he drank bad, run around with all kinds of womens and spent a lot of money on them what could have bought Mable a new stove, washer/dryer, and other things to make her life better. But Mable would not leave him. Her sister Flojean told my wife one time that Mable were sure the change in Cecil Ray's life were just around the corner. But the day she died they had to hunt him down and found out he were lying in the bed of Darling Smitherson whose husband were off working on a oil rig. Now a strange thing about Mable were she were afraid of being buried alive. She never knowed nothing about embalming or nothing like that, so she insisted on being buried with her cell phone right in her left hand. She were right handed and wanted to make it easy to dial, doncha know? And they did, except her sister, Flojean, while taking her final peek in the coffin retrieved the phone and taken it home with her. Over the last months, she made it a point of calling Cecil Ray all hours of the night. At first he did not answer but soon give in to curiosity and punched in to accept the call. Flojean let out a moan what would have made a horror moviemaker proud. Now we didn't know all this were going on 'cause Flojean knowed around here somebody would spill the beans and mess up her revenge against Cecil Ray. When Cecil Ray stopped paying the bill, Flojean went down and talked the young girl at the phone place to keep it going. She paid up for a year. Cecil Ray changed his phone number, but Flojean were full of business and found it out. After Cecil Ray had taken his phone and buried it out in the pasture, Flojean come clean with her card playing group. She said toward the end Cecil Ray were crying and telling Mable how much he loved her and missed her. He even started calling up his wife hisself. Finally, Flojean were tired of it all and in a real spooky voice told Cecil Ray that he should move his bed out to the cemetery so they could sleep together once again. That's when he buried the phone.
Flojean said that were enough for her.

Southern Fried Child (Hollis)

Southern Fried Child in Home Seeker's Paradise by Jimmie Meese Moomaw
Brookhaven, Ms - 1940's & '50's - alcoholic parents - funeral home - politicians - a trip to "It" - whale on a railroad car - rodeos - fishing - Baptist Church & Catholic school - snakes & gars - fires - Slim the horse - country store - Lola, shopaholic, prostitute, would-be Honky Tonk owner, Easter Bunny - Elvis Jr. - remembering....

What Can You Do For Your Country

I been thinking what I can do to help out my country and I come up with the thought that the best thing I can do are to do ever thing I can to not to be a taker. I won't have to do much to be a giver 'cause that are already set up with taxes. But I still can give to peoples in need. I am going to cut back spending where I don't need to and get prepared for any bad stuff like storms what might happen. Just look at all them peoples up north what has always put their trust in the government to take care of them. They would have been better off if they would have set aside as much as possible to take care of bad happenings. I am planting a bigger garden next year. Dorothy's bought more canning jars and we have plans to build a extra pantry right off the one we got now. We got plenty of trees for firewood, but I am taking a part of a pasture to plant more. I even got my eye on a milk cow Juniper Morrison has up for sale. I bought me a car last year what gets over 40 miles to the gallon, but I still try to make fewer trips so I can leave the gasoline to them what needs it more. We will do out part. Dorothy is even working on a book, Delicious Bean Recipes. 

While Voting Today

Yesterday I seen on the TV where somebody working at the polls in another state got upset when a

person come in wearing a sweatshirt what said MIT. She thought it were advertising for a president candidate name of Mitt. Dorothy tells me MIT are a college up north for real smart peoples. Today at our voting place we seen a woman working there wearing a sweatshirt what said DELAWARE. This are another college up north and also a state. It happens we got a woman name Della Ware what are running for a seat on the county commission. And it happens the woman in the DELAWARE shirt are a sister of the woman named Della Ware. Somebody called the sheriff and he made her go home and change. She come back wearing a shirt what said PABST. We ain't got nobody with that name around here; not that I ever heard of.

Love

One of the things I been thinking about are love. I ain't talking about lovin' what are important too, but I am talking about true love for one another. Now, I has seen over the years that peoples has different idea about what love come out to be.  Like peoples children. Some peoples think that loving your childrens means giving them all the things what the mamma and poppa never did have growing up. Some peoples believes in tough love. Now that don't mean abuse; it means doing what are best for the kids and not what will make them like you. I been thinking about this mostly because tomorrow are a day of voting and I got to decide who loves peoples the most. Lot to think about.

Jiggs and Maggie

I learnt a new word yesterday down at the library where I volunteers. Uxorious. It means henpecked or a husband letting his wife get the best of him. I may never use that word talking to folks but it does make me think of Jasper and Juvena Montview what lives right across the lake from me and Dorothy. Juvena are a large kind of woman and Jasper are a smallish man. And it are known that Juvena takes ever advantage of that size difference. Jasper have been seen at the hospital emergency room more than a few times with bruises all over him. He always claims he fell down. Peoples around here calls them Jiggs and Maggie. Y'all might not know this if you's  too young or lives across the ocean from the U.S., but used to be a funny paper thing name of Jiggs and Maggie where Jiggs were a uxorious man and Maggie were always giving him what for. I reckon the only thing I can carry away from all this is when a man marries a woman what are big enough to beat him up, he better be real sure she is of a kind and gentle nature. And to be fair the same should be done by womens when they is figuring out who to marry.

Moonshine in Harper County

When I come home from Korea with frozen feets I were real bad to take a drink; any kind of drink. Peoples around here was making what we calls moonshine liquor for many a year. I don't drink no more, haven't for many years but moonshine are still around and I reckon always will be. One of the big moonshiners way back were named Mooney James Smith. He had stills all over the place. They say the sheriff left him alone because he were paid off in product and money. Where Mooney were smart were the fact that he had a self-contained business plan. I mean he raised the corn, grains for malt, and knowed how to make his own yeast, what he called wild yeast. He got his water from a spring and made the claim that his product were more natural than whiskey bought in a store. Of course back then a fellow would have to cross the state line to buy anything alcohol from a store 'cause it were illegal in Mississippi. Mooney died back in the 60's, but we all knows his stills is still a'going. His daughter, Moonbeam, are the one what runs 'em. She must be over ninety by now but they say she are well preserved by taking a nip of her run ever day.

Jazz (Hollis)

Jazz by Toni Morrison -  They left without a Trace - Joe Trace - Violet (Violent) - Dorcas shot - stabbed in coffin - birds - Virginia - walnut tree - Wild -The City - cosmetic selling and hair dressing - man's tears - Felice means happy - Joe and Violet - Jazz  (So much more)

Note from Hollis: Today Uncle Harvey Lee has a viewer from Paraguay. It is the 55th country to check out his blog. He sends his thanks to everyone.

Another Strange Baby Name

We had a baby borned last month here in Harper what were given a strange name. Seems like he were the second boy borned to his mamma and daddy and the first boy were named after his daddy. So they wanted to name this one after his mamma. The problem were his mamma's name were Cathy. Lucky, or maybe unlucky, the mamma heard a name repeated over and over again on the television what were in her hospital room. So they named the little boy Catheter. We are all hoping he gets him a nick name like Buck, Spike, or Buster. Or at least that they will call him Cath.