What Missing Means

Leffords McKinley was in the barbershop yesterday talking about this old mutt that has been hanging around his place for a year or so. It's run off or something. He says he ain't seen it for a week or so. Somebody said, "Do you miss him?" Leffords said, "Yeah, I reckon I do. I reckon I do miss him." And somebody else said, "Well, you can always get another dog." And Leffords said, "That ain't exactly how I miss him. I miss him like I missed that toothache I had till I got that molar extracted by Doc Withroe. I miss him like I miss mowing my yard in the fall and winter. I miss him like I miss the gruel they served for breakfast in that foster home where I grew up. That's how I miss that old mutt who ate my newspaper every day. Why that old dog never learned where or when to poop and I was always having to clean it off my shoes. Yeah, I miss him a lot." I been thinking about that ever since. Now when somebody tells me they are going to miss me, I'll have to think twice about it.