They Cut Her Neck Off

Lingus Smoote was all upset this morning when he came into the barbershop. He was listening to a spot on the radio about the beheading of Ann Boleyn that, I think, happened on this day of the year all those years ago over in England. Lingus gave us his report.
"I heard on the radio where them English cut this woman's neck off. From what they said she warn't guilty of nothing, it was just that the king wanted to get rid of her so he could marry somebody else. It's hard for me to believe they is acting that way over there. We ought to write letters to their congressmen and their president to stop this kind of action. I, for my part, will not eat English peas, English muffins, London broil, or anything with England on it till they straighten all this out. Why just this morning I was looking for any of this stuff in our pantry and found in Maudie's tea box some English breakfast tea. Out. I throwed it out and good riddance."
Harpoone Dillery spoke, "First. To cut somebody's neck off would require two chops. I think they cut her head off. Second, this happened hundreds of years ago. They don't have beheadings in England anymore."
"Wrong," said Lingus. "I am sure they cut her neck off. If it took two chops so be it. And it was today. The reason I know is because the fellow on the radio said, 'Today in history.' And he said it twice at the beginning and at the end of his story. So there."
At that point everybody either picked up a magazine or went back to reading their newspapers.