Learning About Golf

I got a friend what are going to Paris, France. He don't want to but his wife does, so I guess you can guess he's going. So he are taking this recorded course on learning French to speak. Now at my age I ain't about to tackle French or no other foreign language; not till I master English. But golf are another matter. My friends all wants me to play golf with them. It warn't a big sport around here when I were growing up, but several peoples had land just sitting there so they made golf fields for peoples to play on. But I figure I got to get me one of them courses to learn me the language of golf. Like they use words I know but they has different meanings. Like links, to me a link are a sausage. And putt are a sound and a not too pleasant one. A birdie flies in the sky or sits in a cage. A eagle are just one kinda bird. Bogie were a movie star. Mashie are something done to potatoes. A scratch are applied to a itch. A slice are a piece of pie. A hook will catch a fish. Fairway are the honest and best policy in dealing with others. Green are a color. Doglegs are what dogs walk around on. Teed off are when you are mad about something. I ain't even gonna discuss sweet spot and lay. You can see I got a lot to learn about before I even hit my first ball.