Gum Control

Used to be a woman on TV what would get words all mixed up. Like she thought when they was talking about violence on television they was saying violins on television. We got a man 'round here what gets your words confused a lot. The other day he were in the barber shop raging 'bout how they (the government) was trying to get control of gum chewing. He said they was trying to limit the amount of gum what could be bought in a pack and you needed to be checked out before anybody could sell you any gum. He had it in his mind that peoples in power was upset 'bout peoples tossing gum on the street and it getting stuck on peoples shoes. And peoples sticking gum under the tables in cafes. What he were really upset about were asphalt weapons and just what a asphalt weapon were and how it had anything to do with gum. Warn't nobody in the barber shop what was willing to try to explain him out of his confusions. Gus Gusterson, the head barber (I reckon they is all head barbers, but he are the main one) set out a little jar with a note on it what said: COLLECTIONS FOR A HEARING AID FOR CURTIS RAY ICKLEBURG. So far there are a quarter and a few pennies in the jar.